Can you hear me now?

We've all seen the cell phone commercials where the guy says "Can you hear me now?"  For some of us that is a more regular reality though.

For several years now I've struggled with hearing in large groups, especially in noisy environments.  Many times, I've missed a phone call or a text coming in because I didn't hear my cell phone even if it's in the same room as me.  I'm often the woman who stands in group settings smiling and nodding while having no clue on half of what's going on around me because I struggle to hear what's being said.  What I do catch is only a portion of what's being said leaving me to piece together what I think I'm hearing and what is actually being said.  This requires a lot of effort and concentration to filter out other conversations and general background noise that it's often just easier to do the smile and nod approach and not tax myself so much to hear what's going on.  Therefore I feel left out a lot as it's hard to contribute to a conversation when you have no clue what's going on!

These last few months my ears, more specifically my right ear has gotten worse which prompted my primary care doctor to send me to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor who I went to see yesterday.  After sticking a camera up my nose and doing a CT Scan of my sinuses he decided to perform a basic hearing test.  My left ear came back within the normal range but my right ear was below normal which prompted him to send me to an audiologist.  Thankfully they had a cancellation for today so I was able to get right in this morning (yea!).

After a battery of more in depth tests, the audiologist determined that yes my right ear appears to have neurological damage causing me to have mild hearing loss in my right ear.  The anticipated next step is an MRI and then possibly a hearing aid in my right ear.

A part of me isn't looking forward to having to wear a hearing aid for the rest of my life but on the flip side, it would be SO nice to actually be able to hear normally and not have to strain to hear anything and everything!

Man-up already!

In my last post I mentioned that there are a couple of guys who have had potential dating wise.  Most recently there have actually be three.

First there's the pilot who is great looking and fun to talk to.  We met online and have thus far only talked with, in theory at least, plans to meet in person one of these days.  This is the guy who swore that he has lay-overs in Chicago on a regular basis so we'd get to spend some time together face to face but who (of course) hasn't had a single one that wasn't a quick touch-down and take-off since we've gotten to talking on a semi-regular basis.  I mean, heck I live close enough to O'Hare that picking him up for a quick coffee at the Starbucks a few blocks from O'Hare before taking him back to the airport ahead of his next flight out would be easy enough!  This is the guy who I've recently found out gave me his middle name instead of his first name and a shortened version of his last name.  Hello...I have his phone number and all it took was a quick Google search with that number to get who the number is registered to!  In a nutshell, this is the guy who is sending up so many red flags that I know I should walk, no run, away fast!

Then there's the guy I was supposed to get together with the weekend of the 20th.  Due to his allergies acting up he had to cancel.  As someone else with allergies, I certainly understand and respect that.  We were in touch all last week and then were supposed to get together this past Saturday for first date round two.  I was totally flexible on where we could meet and what we might do but, yep, you guessed it, I didn't hear from him at all with firm plans.  Really?!?!  Fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice and shame on me.  Needless to say this guy won't be getting a third chance at a first date since this weekend he didn't even have the courtesy of giving me an excuse on why he was blowing me off.

And then there's the last guy.  This is the guy who I went out with a couple of times at the beginning of the year.  The guy who seemed very interested and was making an effort.  The guy who then just dropped off the face of the earth.  He then decided to reappear in late June claiming that life had gotten hectic (which I all of all people completely understand) but he went on to say that July was going to be so much calmer from his end and that he was looking forward to making plans with me during July.  And I can count on ZERO hands how may times I've heard from him since.  Apparently July was so much calmer that he found many other things to occupy his time with!

If you decide that you're just not that into me that's fine but man-up and just say so.  As long as it's said politely then I can put on my big-girl panties and take it like a woman.  Really...I can.

I applaud the couple of men who have had the guts to be straight-forward and honest with me that, while it was a nice dinner / coffee / lunch / drinks / whatever, it just isn't going to go anywhere else.  In one case, I was thinking the exact same thing and in the other, while I would have liked to take things to a second date, I appreciated knowing from him where he stood then being left to presume.  And I can assure you that my presumptions would have also included some less than stellar descriptions of him as well for leaving me to presume.

Are you seeing anyone?

I know this is a common question that people ask as they're getting to know you or if they haven't seen you in a while.  It's a question that I've been guilty of asking myself on more than one occasion however lately this question has started to annoy me.  It really shouldn't annoy me as it is a logical conversation topic but it does.

Having to always respond that no, I'm not currently dating anyone or that there's nobody serious in my life dating wise or having to go into the adventures of mis-haps as I try the online dating world have left me dreading the inevitable turn towards this particular conversation.

I'd love to be able to say that yes, there's this amazing guy in my life who is sweeping me off my feet in his own special way.  I'm not asking for Mr. Perfect or Prince Charming...simply a nice, normal guy who doesn't blow me off when we make plans, who isn't out for "only one thing" at some random hour of the (very late) night or who doesn't call back once we've made plans or had a first date.

With all the rumors of "nice guys finishing last" I would think that there are a number of nice normal guys out there who might like to be chosen first!  Is that really so much to ask?

If what my friends have to say is accurate, I'm a nice, normal, self-sufficient, fun woman to spend time with.  I've traveled the world, have a great group of friends, and don't presume that I'd be the only thing in said guy's life.  As an independent woman in my own right, I wouldn't expect the guy to have to make me the only thing in his life and would anticipate that we be able to spend time together as well as apart while still being a couple.

So am I seeing someone?  Nope...there have been a couple of guys lately with potential but that's another post for another time.

Beloit College Mindset List

Every year, since 1998, Beloit College releases what they call the Mindset List which provides a cultural touchstone on the things that have shaped the lives of students entering college this fall.  It was originally created as a reminder to faculty to be aware of the dated references however it has come a catalog of the rapidly changing worldview of each new generation.

After having spent the last week living on a college campus in a sorority house as the interim house mom, I thought that it was especially appropriate that this list was released today, on the day I'm scheduled to go home.

The girls in the sorority house I've been staying at this week have been amazing.  They've thanked me for helping them out and recognized that I'm here to work with them and not against the as the authority figure in the house this week.  That gives me hope for the future that there are great kids coming through college now who have potential!

Enjoy this year's list which can be found at http://www.beloit.edu/mindset/2015/!

Home

Home is....

• ...where the heart is.
• ...not where you live, but where they understand you.
• ...a place you grow up wanting to leave, and where you grow old wanting to get back to.
• ...sweet home Chicago.

• ...lonely when you are a single person who goes home to an empty home every night.
• ...a lot of work to maintain when you own it on your own.
• ...where I thought I'd be living with a husband by the age I am now.
• ...still only a condo instead of the house I hoped I'd have by my age.

More men in blue

Just when I reached what I thought was my limit of what I could handle as the interim house mom I was proven wrong.  After visits from six members of the local police department over the last few days, this morning started off with a visit from three local firemen.

Significant storms rolled through town this morning completely flooding the street outside the sorority house from sidewalk to sidewalk and as deep in the middle as to be at the bottom edge of the car doors threatening to flow into any car whose driver opened the car door.  The storm was so severe and so quick that it also knocked out the power to our chapter house for a very brief moment of time however that was all it took to set off our fire and security alarm systems.

In case you're not aware, when a fire alarm goes off in university and Greek system housing, the fire department is automatically called and sent out.  Even if you use the system's override key to shut the system off, the fire department still shows up.  Unlike a residential home where you can take the battery out to shut off the alarm, you need to do a bit more when dealing with housing for larger numbers of college students.  And for good reason too.  We want to keep the residents of these facilities safe and secure.

That being said, it's nerve racking to know what lies in store and that there's nothing you can do to change the impending visit from yet more of the town's public servants.  Since arriving Tuesday evening, I've gotten to meet six local police and three local firemen for assorted alarms going off that were totally out of my control.  They've all been very nice however I really wasn't planning to become so familiar with the local emergency departments during my week out here!

Revisiting college life continued....

I'm starting to debate my sanity at agreeing to take on this interim house director role!  Since I arrived here just a few short days ago, I've gotten to deal with the following:

• An internet system that flat out didn't work when I got here and the house corporation board president telling me there was no internet connection provided.  Not so good for a sorority house full of girls raised in the technology age who legitimately depend on having internet access at their finger tips.  Given that they start classes on Monday and may need to pull up class schedules and information, this access is key!  Given that I have my own things to be doing, selfishly I also want access as well!
• Phone system issues causing complete rewiring of certain areas and uncertainty on the availability of voicemail / possible continued static on the line.
• Deck repair just outside the main door that everyone uses requiring members to use alternative doorways that are normally alarm activated after a certain time.
• The alarm system going off twice in the last 48 hours.  Wednesday night's visit prompted a visit by two of the town's finest police officers whereas tonight I got to greet four of these wonderful men in blue.  While I appreciate that they're just doing their job and I'd want them here this quickly if this was a real emergency, I wasn't planning on getting to visit with six police officers in such a short amount of time!
• Multiple bee hives discovered on the aforementioned deck.  Not such a good thing when the interim house director (i.e. me) is severely allergic to bee stings (to the tune that I carry an Epi-Pen in case I ever get stung).
• Assorted plumbing issues due to reopening a sorority house after a summer of it being closed.
• Reminding the girls that I'm not their mother and that it's not my job to do their dishes after their late night snacks.

Here I thought I'd just house-sit while the full-time house director was out of town for the week.  I didn't anticipate this being so hands on at all hours of he day and night!  Why did I agree to do this?!?!

Revisiting college life

This week I've picked up a temp job as the interim house director for my sorority's chapter at a local university.  The newly hired house mom had a prior commitment this week so I was asked, as a temporarily unemployed active alumna volunteer who lives within driving distance of the chapter, if I could fill in for the house mom during this week.  And being the sucker that I am I agreed to do so.  This involves living 24/7 in a sorority house full of college girls.  As someone who has been out of college for thirteen years, what was I thinking?!?!

Don't get me wrong, the sorority members in this house (sophomores through seniors right now since we haven't recruited this year's freshman yet) are being great.  They listen to what I have to say and are very respectful of me and of the fact that I'm here to help out their chapter and new house mom for the week.

But still, life is at a different stage for the 19 to 22-year-old college student than it is for me as the 34-year-old alumna who normally lives in a condo and not a sorority house.  This week they, along with other members of Greek Row, can handle going out until all hours of the night (okay early morning if we're really honest) whereas I'm thinking about bed by about 11 pm or midnight on a normal weeknight.

I'm a night owl by nature so midnight isn't what I'd consider too late however even I have my limits.  While asleep last night, I heard a party get broken up by the local cops at either one of the fraternity houses or apartment buildings up the street at around 3 am this morning.  And I'm guessing that it's safe to assume that those attending said party likely just moved the party elsewhere.

I'm sure when I was in college I had a few super late nights myself but I have a lot more respect now for those who live in college towns and for those who work in higher education such as sorority / fraternity house directors and residence hall directors who literally live in this environment day-to-day!

Blossoms of the Heart

"Blossoms are scattered by the wind

and the wind cares nothing,

but the blossoms of the heart

no wind can touch."

~~ Yoshida Kenko ~~

Online Dating

The world of online dating has definitely expanded the options available for those of us single and looking for someone to get date.

I know of several couples who have had success in online dating.  Two of my friends met through eHarmony, got married several years ago and are a great couple!  My sister met her boyfriend of nearly a year online and he seems like a great guy and a good fit for her.

On the flip side, there are more stories than I'd care to share about the craziness of online dating.  Suffice it to say, there is someone for everyone and, based on some of the guys I've heard from via online dating sites, there is definitely quite a variety to pull from.  And not all of it is on the lines of what I personally am looking for although I'm sure there is a woman out there who'll fit the bill for what they're looking for!

It amazes me the approach some guys (and to be fair, I'm sure an equal number of women) take.  On the one hand, I appreciate that some guys are upfront, honest, and direct about what they want even if it is a complete 180 degrees apart from what I'm looking for.  There's something to be said for knowing exactly where you stand and what the other person is actually looking for from the get-go.

On the other hand, some of these guys really cross the line of what's appropriate to say when you're first getting to know someone.  Some of the initial messages I've gotten from guys are so inappropriate that it amazes me that a) they actually think that approach will work and b) that some women actually fall for that approach!  There's something to be said for allowing for a bit of mystery and allowing yourself the chance to get to know someone first before laying all your cards on the table.

At dinner the other night, a friend of mine and I were talking about the various online dating sites available and which ones are "better" than others.  In my experience, there is a wide mix of people on all of the available sites but there are definitely some that have more of those more forward / direct guys than other sites.

Part of me wishes though that online sites were available specifically by what you're looking for.  For example site A would be for those who just want casual dating, site B would be for those who want committed relationships but who aren't necessarily looking to get married, and site C would be for those who are looking to get married.  Then you'd know that, depending on which site you went to, everyone else there would be looking, in theory at least, for the same thing you're looking for.

Or maybe I just need a fairy godmother who'll wave her magic wand and send prince charming my way!

Live a life of purpose

While this seems like such an easy concept, in reality, so often life get's in the way. As such, I feel that it bears repeating on a regular basis.

‎"Live a life of purpose."

~~ Clara Bradley Burdette ~~

~~ Alpha Phi Founder ~~

Quote on Friendship

“Friendship improves happiness and abates misery by doubling our joys and dividing our grief.”

~~ Joseph Addison ~~

Farm Life

My paternal grandparents were dairy, soybean and feed corn farmers.  They, like all farmers I know, were hardworking and dedicated to their family.  As such, the annual family reunions for their respective families were always attended.

Yesterday afternoon was one of these family reunions for my grandmother's side of the family and it reminded me of how relaxing it can be for me, the city girl, to go down and spend time among the cornfields.  Don't get me wrong, I know that farm life can be hard and that it takes a lot of sweat and dedication to be a farmer.  But still, for me personally, I always enjoy the time I get to spend with my extended family in north central, rural Illinois.  I get to a certain point on my drive down and always breath a sigh of relaxation as I know that I'm in for a great block of time away from the craziness of the city! 

Childless by choice?

As a single woman in my mid-thirties, I have, to this point, chosen to be childless.  If I am fortunate enough to meet Mr. Right and get married, I'm not sure that at that point I'd want to have kids.  Certainly I'm open to having step-children if Mr. Right already has children but I don't know that I am that eager to get a jump-start on popping out a kid or two of my own.

And that is conflicting as a woman.  We, as women, are supposed to want children.  My sister is one of those women who has always said that she wants a ton of kids.  One of my childhood friends wanted nothing more than to get married and have a bunch of kids.  She's now a loving mother of four kids and loves (almost) every minute of being a mom.

Don't get me wrong, I love children and am fortunate to have many amazing kids in my life.  Between my niece and nephew, my godson and his sister, as well as the children of my friends (including my best friend's three kids who call me "Aunt") I get to have plenty of kiddy time.  Sometimes that even amounts to more kiddy time then I'd like when certain friends choose to bring their children to places they're not invited to!

That being said, my biological clock hans't started ticking and I don't have that feeling of not being able to wait to have kids of my own.  And that fact seems to baffle people at best and downright upset other people.  Like I said earlier, I love children, I'm just someone who feels no pull to have kids of her own.  And that bothers me a bit.  Am I missing something?  Should I want to have children?

In my 20s, people told me that I'd feel different when I was older but now, in my mid-30s, I can't say that I feel any different.  I've been told that I'll feel different when I meet Mr. Right and that I'll want kids with him to further our bond.  Sorry, but if I don't already have a strong bond with Mr. Right then why would I want to add kids to that mix?!?!  And if we have a strong bond already, will kids really make that bond even stronger?  I've been told that kids will "complete me" -- sorry again but I lead a pretty complete life now and kids will only curtail the life I'm currently leading!

Yes, I know kids would add a whole new element to my life that I can "only imagine".  Yes, I know that kids can be amazing and that it's "totally different" when they're your own.  But I worry...since I don't have that passion for having children that my sister and childhood friend have...would I even make a good mother?  While I love the fun moments with the kids in my life, would I be able to survive the not so fun moments that are a part of life with children?  Is it really just a matter of finding Mr. Right and knowing that with him we'd be able to do a great job together raising a family?

When my sister-in-law was pregnant with my niece (her first child), I told her that, as a non-parent, I wouldn't give her parenting advise but that I would spoil her child (now children) rotten.  And that has worked out great for us.  I get to spoil my niece and nephew rotten as well as enjoy spending time with them before sending them home while my sister-in-law is guaranteed to not have one more person trying to tell her how to raise her kids.

Why mess with a good thing?  Or, would having children of my own, actually make a good thing even better?  Am I childless by choice or has that "choice" just been an excuse to this point?

The Waiting Game Professional Style

As I'm searching for a new job it seems like I play the waiting game a lot.  I know that patience is a virtue but when you're recently unemployed, patience isn't necessarily the skill you want to get practice developing!

Once I apply for positions online I then get to wait and hope that my application isn't in some cyber "black hole".  Yes, may corporations will send an auto-response from an unmonitored e-mail address stating something to the effect of "Thank you for your interest in our company.  Your application has been received and is being reviewed.  We'll be in touch."  Great....a generic e-mail address knows that I'm interested but will a real, live person actually review this and be in touch?

My favorite companies are those who actually respond with some sort of indication either way from an actual person.  Even if it is a canned response thanking me for my interest but letting me know that they've "decided to proceed with someone who better aligns with their criteria", at least I know where I stand in the process.  I'd rather know I'm no longer in the running in a timely fashion than think I actually stand a chance!

I know that something will eventually come my way and that, in the long run, my patience will be worth it but in the meantime, I'd rather not have to wait and wait and wait!