We Made It: Growing up in the 50s, 60s, 70s and early 80s

A must watch for those of us who grew up in the "good old days" of the 50s, 60s, 70s and early 80s: "We Made It".

Just One of the Guys

As a female who is seen as "one of the guys" I'm the one who hangs out with her guy friends at a bar for Monday Night Football to have a burger and beer and actually watch the game.  I'm the one who knows just enough about sports in general to be recruited for trivia to fill the sports gap when the guys can't make it.  And I'm the one my guy friends turn to when they want suggestions of who I might be able to set them up with.

Not that they want to go out with ME...instead they want me to recommend any one of my single girl friends who they can go out with.  In fact, this happened just last night.  One of my guy friends decided that, six months post-breakup with his most recent girlfriend, he's ready to start dating again which is a good thing.  Then he turned to me and wondered if I know of any single women who he could ask out.  Never mind that I'm a single woman myself who he knows quite well but instead he wanted to know about who I know whose single and female.  The sad part is that he's not the first of my guy friends to do this and, most likely, won't be the last.

But it's still bothersome that none of the guys I know even remotely view me as a woman they could consider dating.  I'm not saying fall madly in love with me or marry me tomorrow...simply go out on a date with me.  And, while my girl friends say they know of guys they could consider setting me up with, that has yet to actually happen despite all their talk.

Yes, I know that in today's "modern" world I could ask a guy out.  Call me old fashioned, or very shy as is more accurately the case, but I prefer a guy to make the first move.  It doesn't have to be a big, bold move but expressing any interest whatsoever would be a major success in my book.  Is that really too much to ask?

Vintage Social Networking

Holiday Weekend Houseguest (Part Two: Having a Guy Around)

Having a guy (or at least this particular guy) around for the weekend took a short time to get used to as I'm used to living alone.  But, after the initial quirk of moving around a two bedroom condo with a tall guy also in residence was...comfortable, relaxing, normal and almost too easy.

We've been friends for several years but not such close friends that we're out of things to talk about.  We were comfortable enough that any silences were just that, occasional silences, with nothing awkward about them.  We could do our own thing (both at home and out with respective friends) as well as be together.

When I got home in the early afternoon Friday afternoon from work, he was there to ask how my day was.  When we decided to go to a late lunch that afternoon followed by a quick errand, it was so normal.  When we sat on the couch after getting home in the evenings, we could veg-out, check out our  respective mobile devises and play a game on his iPad while sitting side-by-side on the couch relaxed and at ease.

When he got back home Sunday evening he even texted me to thank me for a great weekend which prompted a quick conversation.  That was followed by a conversation this evening following up on a conversation we had over the weekend.

It was exactly what I've thought having a guy around the house should be even if he is "just a friend".  Of course I would like him to be more that just a friend but knowing his "type" I know that I'm not likely to stand a chance with him.  The fact that he's, on more than one occasion, asked me to set him up with my friends and expressed interest in other women I know that he views me as just a friend.

And normally I'd be okay with that but I'm at a point where I want to be viewed as the dating type in addition to being the friend type.  I want the comfortable feeling of being with someone where things just feel comfortable and right.

Holiday Weekend Houseguest (Part One: The Basics)

A friend of mine texted this past Wednesday afternoon asking if he could crash at my place for the 4th of July (Thursday) so he could come up and spend time with our friends over the holiday.  He's in the process of moving back up to the greater Chicago area after living in St. Louis for work and is sub-leasing an apartment in between these two cities in the interim.  Since he won't be in his current location for long he hasn't set down roots or made too much of a connection there.  As such it makes more sense for him to stay with a friend up here when he wants to come out with us instead of doing a six hour round trip drive for any plans in Chicago.

When he comes up he usually stays with one or the other of two of our mutual friends.  The friend he stays with most often is his ex-girlfriend and friend of mine who did the dumping in their relationship and with whom he has a lingering friendship with.  Said ex-girlfriend though had a couple dates this weekend so she wasn't too keen on having her ex-boyfirend around for the weekend...hence the text to me.

Given that I have a two bedroom condo with room to spare I was happy to welcome him.  I said yes with the understanding that I had tentative plans with a non-mutual friend the afternoon of the 4th of July but that I might be up for the fireworks with our mutual friends that evening.  In addition I had to work on the morning of Friday the 5th, both of which he was okay with.

So he came mid-day on Thursday, July 4th.  He even asked if he could join me at the afternoon plans I had with my childhood friend and her family.  Of course that made for quite a topic of discussion amongst my friend, her siblings and her husband as I don't usually bring a "plus one" to events with their family even if said guest is just a friend.  On the plus side, it gave me an out to leave this barbecue to join my mutual friends with my houseguest for fireworks elsewhere.


As we drove to meet up for the fireworks with our mutual friends we joked about the rumors that we potentially would be starting by showing up together.  This was only compounded by the fact that the friend he usually stays with was insistent in finding out who he was staying with this weekend.  We both agreed that, while we have nothing to hide nor anything to explain, we didn't want to make an issue of the fact that he was staying with me.  We figured that less can be more and that sometimes it's better to not make an issue of a situation instead of fueling the fire of potential gossip.  Especially with certain members of our group of friends who like to blow things out of proportion.

After meeting up with our friends for the fireworks we had a great time and our arriving at the same time was a non-issue.  One person figured out that he was probably staying with me but didn't seem to care.  That became good on Friday when he decided to extend his visit for another night to join this friend for an outdoor festival / concert which I joined them for that resulted in another night at my place for my houseguest.

Awaking on Saturday, July 6th, I had to head into work for the day and then had a family barbecue in the afternoon / evening.  Certainly my houseguest was welcome to join me later on but I figured he might not want to spend the Saturday evening of a holiday weekend with my family instead of our friends.  Thankfully he had a couple of options for plans up here in Chicago as well as the option to head back home.  To that end I wasn't quite sure if I'd be coming home to company Saturday night or have my place to myself which made for a fun turning of the corner when I got to my sub-division to see his car on the street next to my driveway.

All went well for night three of his visit but made for fun this morning for day four of his visit.  I was supposed to head up to spend time on the boat of two more of our mutual friends today on Lake Michigan.  Not a big deal as my guest did need to head back home after four days "up north".  But it was quite fun when our friend called early this morning to mention that she and her husband needed to take a raincheck on a day out on the lake and asked what I was up to.  I just had to smile at my houseguest as I answered that I was relaxing on my couch without mentioning the cute guy at my side.

At A Loss

I was headed out to a lunch meeting today for some volunteer work that I do when I got the call.  The call that I've been dreading for a while now.  The call letting me know that someone I care about very much had taken that final turn for the worse and that I needed to make it to the hospital sooner rather than later to say my good-byes before the life support was turned off.

So I went.  I was able to turn the lunch meeting into a coffee meeting.  I was able to hurry back to the office to coordinate coverage for my work this afternoon.  I was able to make it to the hospital with time to say goodbye to someone I've cared about for so many years.  I was able to support my dear friend (the daughter of the patient in the ICU who was about to lose his long battle) whose father was, in many ways, like a second father to me.

It was a bit of a hurry up and wait.  We hurried to come together...his wife, children, and two of us who have known the family for so long that we're like "bonus kids" and then we waited.  We hurried to get through prayers with a leader from the church and then we waited.  We waited and waited as the various steps to increase the pain medication were gone through that ultimately resulted with the turning off the life support.  And then we waited some more.  For you see, the man in the bed in the ICU knew he was surrounded by loved ones who so very much cared about him and he wasn't quite ready to go yet.

And then, with a final breath, with all of us surrounding him, he passed away.  His daughter, my dear friend, quietly cried and leaned onto me for support.  The other "bonus child" in the room leaned on my other side for support.  And we all cried.  We all stood at a loss for this man who we had loved so much and who had, in his own way, loved us in return.

Certainly we know that he's in a better place and out of pain.  Of course we know that, at some level, he knew that, in those final moments he was surrounded by those who love him so dearly.

But it still hurts.  It hurts to know that his strong determination and (let's be honest) stubbornness won't be there the next time we get together.  It hurts to know that someone we care about so much is gone.

Whose Birthday Is It?

To me any birthday is worth celebrating as I'm proud of every one of my years but those birthdays ending in a five or a zero make for a "big birthday" worth celebrating even more so in my mind.  I don't know why I especially like those years ending in zeros and fives but I do.

It's a milestone birthday ending in a five for me this week....thirty-five to be exact.  And I've decided to do my birthday in style this year by going out to a nicer dinner with about fifteen friends at a local winery / restaurant.

I prefer to celebrate my birthday with a smaller group of people as to me it's more important to spend quality time talking with each person in a small group than only a little bit of time with each person within a large group of people.  It's all about quality over quantity to me.  I get more enjoyment personally interacting with a small group who have come out to celebrate with me than if I'm among a large group where I feel like I barely got to say more than hello and good-bye to everyone who made the effort to attend a birthday dinner in my honor.

And that is where there seems to be a disconnect.  One of my friends called me out tonight because I didn't invite everyone I've ever met (and what she really meant was everyone SHE'S ever met) to attend MY birthday dinner.  She mentioned several people by name who she felt I should have invited.  I then had to explain that, while I think the world of everyone in our group, I had to have a cut-off somewhere.  I had to explain that there comes a point where if you invite person A you then have to invite person B which leads to person C and, since I barely know person C, I can't say that I really feel the need to have that person at my birthday dinner!

I don't mean for there to be any hard feelings among those who didn't get invited, but if we're celebrating my birthday and I'm the one doing all the planning, shouldn't I have a bit of a say in who gets invited?  And really, I haven't said anything to those who weren't invited from my end, so how exactly do they even know that they're not invited?  I mean really, come on, whose birthday is it?!?!

Cruising the High Seas

One of my dearest friends turned forty this past Sunday.  To celebrate, eleven of us took a three night Caribbean cruise that was a BLAST!

It was a merry band of people that my friend has known from different stages in her life.  As a testament to what a great group of friends she has, we all blended well together and were able to ebb and flow together as if we had all known each other for years despite the fact that many of us had just met for the first time at the start of this trip.  I hope that when I turn forty I'm able to celebrate in similar fashion.

It was a great chance to get away from the craziness of what's been going on in "real life" as well as a fun way to celebrate my friend on a milestone birthday.

Facebook Friend Clean-up

What makes a Facebook friend?

Is it someone whose truly a good friend that you want another way to connect with?  Is it someone you were once friends with who you've just recently reconnected with?  Are they family members you want to share pictures with?  Or are they merely people whose path you've crossed?

Earlier today I decided to go through the 421 friends I have on Facebook and realized that quite a few were people who fell into one of two categories.  In one group are those whose paths I've crossed once or twice but who I really don't know all that well.  In the other group are a handful of people who I went to elementary / high school with but who I haven't really been in touch with since high school graduation over sixteen years ago.

I came up with thirty people who I ended up deleting from my friends list.  They're people I actually haven't communicated with since accepting their friend request.  No wall posts between us, no messages back and forth, no "liking" of photos or status up-dates.  The sad part is that I don't even know if they'll realize that I've "un-friended" them!

Fall colors in wine country

This past weekend I spent a couple days down in Missouri's wine country just west of St. Louis.  Who knew that Missouri is actually home to the country's first wine country?!?!

A friend of mine and I headed down from Chicago, met up with my cousin and his wife for a couple of wineries, and then spent Saturday night with two of my friend's college friends.  It was a great time to catch up with family and old friends as well as a relaxing time to check out the amazing fall colors and try out a few really good wineries.

In other words, it was exactly what I needed to rest and recharge from the craziness of life and my job search.  It was a chance to come home refreshed and ready for what's ahead.  And (even better) the several bottles of wine I brought with me will likely help with the relaxing and refreshing in the months ahead!

Lightening, Lightening go away...

...don't come back another day!

When I was in college, a childhood friend of mine was struck by lightening and killed while reffing a Park District youth soccer game.  Ever since then, I could really do without major thunder and lightening storms such as what we've had this past week.  Storms like what we've been experiencing keep me up at night and are cause for tension and frustration.

Considering how badly we've needed rain lately though I really don't mind the recent rains and my flowers and grass certainly appreciate the water!  It's really just the deep, ground-trembling thunder and lightening that I could do without.  Of course I'd also prefer that the rain be more in the realm of slow and steady downfall instead of quick and sudden downpours that leave us with flash flood warnings but beggars can't be choosers I suppose!

This, I suppose, is a case where the grass really will be greener on the other side of these storms however I wish there was a more pleasant way to get there!

Can men and women be "just friends"?

In the movie When Harry Met Sally, there is an entire conversation between Harry and Sally about how "men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way."

While I've thought about this often and wondered if that's true, it really hit home for me this evening.  After spending an amazing Saturday (July 2nd) with a group of friends on Lake Michigan on one of our friend's boat and then grilling out at the marina, the group dwindled down to three couples plus me and one of my guy friends who I've known for upwards of ten years.

This is a guy who I've traveled with a couple of times (both times with a few other people) as well as seen on a regular basis over the course of these years.  Yet we've never dated, expressed interest in each other or done anything that could possibly muddle the territory of pure friendship.  But in my ever single state and as more and more of my friends are settling down I've really started taking a look at my guy friends and wondering why they and I haven't ever tried making a relationship work as more than "just friends".

Is it that I'm not attracted to them?  Are they not attracted to me?  Is it that, by some unspoken agreement, we don't want to risk our friendship by adding an attraction to the mix?  Or, as that aforementioned conversation between Harry and Sally goes on to say, is an attraction already there in one way, shape or form just waiting for us to realize this and act upon it?

27 Dresses in Real Life

For those who haven't seen the movie 27 Dresses starring Katherine Heigl you're missing out on a classic chic flick.  The movie's website (http://www.27dressesthemovie.com/) provides a great synopsis to bring those that haven't seen this movie up to speed:

27 Dresses centers on Jane (Heigl), an idealistic, romantic and completely selfless woman...a perennial bridal attendant whose own happy ending is nowhere in sight.  But when younger sister Tess captures the heart of Jane's boss -- with whom Jane is secretly in love -- Jane begins to reexamine her "always-a-bridesmaid" lifestyle.

The running comment among my friends for a number of years was how art (in this case the movie 27 Dresses) imitated life (in this case my own life).  I, like the character Jane, am the perennial bridal attendant whose own happy ending is nowhere in sight.

Several years ago, I had a three-year period that saw me at twenty-one weddings.  Yes you read that correctly, twenty-one (21!!!!) weddings over three years.  That broke down to eight weddings the first year, six the following, and seven the third year.  And that's not even including the one or two weddings I attended every year in the years prior to / after this specific three year period.  It got to the point that I took on a part-time job (in addition to my full-time one) at a leading kitchen-ware store at the local mall both to help pay for these weddings as well as to get a discount on all of the gifts that I was purchasing for said weddings!

This morning's edition of Chicago's Red Eye newspaper had an article titled "Bridesmaid backlash" on how everything from dresses to gifts to airline tickets adds up.  My initial thought, after all of the aforementioned weddings, was DUH!  I know that the costs incurred by bridesmaids is a mere blip in the grand scheme of the overall wedding budget but, for those of us not front and center in the white dress, those costs may stretch what, for many, is an already tight budget given the current economy.  And the kicker is that most brides I know (with few exceptions) are aware of these costs and try to be mindful of what they're asking of their friends but it still adds up quick.  A few of my truly favorite brides included the following:

• A good friend whose wedding I was maid-of-honor in wins the all-time amazing bride award.  Since she was having her two brothers as her other attendants, she picked out a formal dress I already owned.  Her brothers then got ties that matched my dress that they wore with suits they already owned.  Not only was it a comfortable dress I liked, it also went well with the colors she was considering and was a huge cost-saver for me and her brothers.  YEA!
• When my cousin got married a few years ago, she had three of us as her attendants and just asked that we all wear a black dress.  How perfect...we all got to select a style that we were comfortable in and that flattered each of our (very different) bodies and styles.  Plus a classic black dress is always one that you can (and we all did) wear again.
• Another friend of mine (while a bridezilla in other areas) also did a fabulous job in selecting her dresses which had the potential to be difficult given that the seven of us in her bridal party had such drastically different body types.  Instead of going the traditional one dress for everyone route, she selected a two-piece dress that had the same skirt for everyone and then different style tops for each of us.  She picked out a group of tops that we got to choose from and she was very mindful of who was in her wedding and did a great job of picking out ones with each of us in mind.  We got to feel as if we had a bit of say in what we wore that ensured that we were comfortable and happy with the dress we'd be in all day while still staying within her vision for her big day.

Of course all of these weddings haven't always been the icing on the cake.  Like all big events, many have been fraught with stories that we still talk about.  Who could forget when I broke a couple fingers as a bridesmaid when we got out of the Hummer Limo to take pictures at Wrigley Field?  Or what about the time one of my uncles offered to walk the bride (my cousin) out the church door instead up the aisle since he wasn't a fan of the guy she married?

While I, like Katherine Heigl's character in the movie 27 Dresses, have often evaluated my "always-a-bridesmaid" lifestyle, a part of me wonders if the whole big wedding craziness is worth it?  After-all, it's the end result (i.e. the marriage) that's really what's most important, right?

I've always said that, should I (hopefully) ever get married I'd want to elope or go to the court-house and do something (very) small.  It would save everyone a lot of money and craziness but on the flip side I know that my friends and family would expect a larger wedding with all the trimmings.

That makes me wonder...why do we go to all of the lengths that we go to for the bigger weddings?  Who are we doing these for and why?

Best Friend Defined

After having a glass (or two) of wine the other evening with a late dinner I must admit that I was feeling a bit contemplative.  My thoughts veered towards those amazing people I call my friends and it got me wondering.

What makes for a friend versus an acquaintance?  In particular what makes for a best friend?  The woman I call my best friend is an amazing woman I’ve known since kindergarten.  That our friendship has lasted twenty-nine years and is still going strong is impressive in and of itself.  She’s the one I call to share those important (and not so important) moments in my life.  But I wonder…do I fill that same role for her?

I know I am an important person in her life.  Her children refer to me as Aunt despite there being no blood relation between us.  But what is it that makes two people best friends?  And can that be a one sided street where Person X considers Person Y their best friend but where Person Y doesn’t consider Person X their best friend?

Maybe it was just the wine talking or maybe I was just feeling a bit down on myself but it does make me wonder…how do we define our friendships with each other and in comparison to those friendships that our friends have with others?

Someone to walk next to me....

George and Ira Gershwin's song "Someone to Watch Over Me" was featured in the movie Mr. Holland's Opus which happens to be one of my favorite movies.  A portion of this song's lyrics that I'm especially drawn to include:

There’s a somebody I’m longin’ to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who’ll watch over me

While I've taken a bit of liberty in the title for this blog entry I think overall theme is similar.  I'm so very much looking for a guy who'll both watch over me and also walk next to me.

As a friend of mine was leaving a BBQ we were both at Saturday of this weekend we took a few minutes to talk one-on-one.  She too is looking for so many of the same things I'm looking for including better employment, a new home, and that special guy in each of our lives.

We took a moment to recognize that we are very fortunate:

• We both have jobs that, while they may not be our dream jobs (or anything remotely close to our dream jobs), these jobs do pay our bills and enable us each to live a relatively middle-class life.
• We both own our own homes.  While they may not be exactly what we want or where we want it, both of these condos provide us a safe, dry roof over each of our heads which is something that many don't have.
• We have an amazing group of friends as well as families that care about us each in their own unique ways.  When push comes to shove, we both have a safety net that won't let us fall too hard, too fast.

That being said, we reflected on those things that we're both struggling with:

• Finding that dream job or at least something better than what we have currently.  My friend currently works three part-time jobs to make her reality work.  I work for a non-profit with an amazing mission but in a position with no room for growth or development.
• Being able to sell our respective condos so that we can each find the new home that we're looking for.  I'm not sure what her dream home is but mine is a house closer to the city with a great layout for entertaining more.  While there's plenty on the market that fits that description, I can't purchase anything new until I've sold the condo that's been on the market for over two years.  In my mind, I know that taking this long to sell a condo is mearly a sign of the times but it doesn't make it an easier a pill to swallow when all I want to do is sell the condo I bought eight years ago that I never dreamed I'd still be in this long.
• Finding that special guy to spend our lives with.  We're both amazing, strong women who are more than capable on our own.  That being said, neither of us ever imagined getting to the age we're at now as single women.  We'd both love to find those special guys who'll watch over each of us.
• Having families that don't really understand where we're coming from as single women in our mid to late thirties.  They've either written us off as the "spinster aunt" or say something to the effect that it's  "too bad you didn't get married earlier when you had a chance".  Never mind that we may never have actually had "a chance" to get married earlier since, at least in my case, I've never been proposed to before.
• Having familes that compare us to our siblings as well as to the children of their friends who are out doing "amazing things".  While others may be doing said "amazing things" such as getting an advanced degree, getting married, having children, doing X, Y, or Z in the community we're basically told that, despite all that we both do already for ourselves, for others we care about as well as within the community, we're going no-where quickly and that we should do more to be like the aforementioned siblings and / or children of their friends.

My friend and I finished our conversation by reminding ourselves that we're in good company.  We're not alone and in fact are surrounded by many amazing fellow single people both our age and older who are also navigating a single life.  We do have someone to walk next to even if it isn't the prince charming we've dreamed of for so long.

And maybe that friend who walks beside us through both the think and the thin is worth more than the prince who might just ride off into the sunset on his white horse.  I know this in my mind.  Now if only I could get my heart to understand as well.

Is the grass always greener?

So often I hear what is referred to as the "grass is greener" speech from my friends who are in relationships (married or otherwise) on how they envy parts of my single life.  According to them, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.

Since the “grass is greener” in my single life, I can eat out without having to compromise on where to eat.  Even better, I can eat out without kids, a diaper bag, a stroller, etc. and go to more than just those few restaurants that serve the ONE food that their kids will actually eat this week.  Not only is the grass greener but it’s also weed-free in my world enabling me to take off for an out-of-town trip without having to worry about anything other than my government-issued form of ID being up-to-date and confirming that mail delivery had been stopped.  I have, again according to this theory, a ton of disposable cash on hand since I don’t have to pay for childcare, activities for the kids (i.e. camp, music lessons, etc) and all of the other costs associated to having children.  The list goes on and on (and on) on how my world is coming up roses.

Of course what my friends don’t realize is that many of those meals out are meals eaten alone (see my first blog for my thoughts on that whole topic).  And those possible out-of-town trips, while amazing in theory, are dependent on finding someone else whose single or able to get away from their significant other and kids to go with which happens VARY rarely.  Or it involves traveling alone or as the third wheel.  Let’s be honest though, who really wants to go to some of the more romantic locations either alone or as the third wheel?

As for that excess disposable cash…don’t even get me started on the amount of money I’ve spent on gifts for things such as baby showers, first communions, birthdays, Christmas, baptisms, etc.  Not to mention the money I’ve spent on my friend’s weddings, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, bridesmaid costs, etc.  Don’t get me wrong, I love spoiling my friends and the children in my life rotten and I do so because of this love for those in my life but it adds up quickly.  Especially since I’m not just buying for the kids of one set of parents, I have over ten children who I’m regularly buying presents for in one form or another!

I’ll get off my soap-box now but I do ask that you remember that where you see green grass I may see weeds.  My married friends may enjoy that meal out sans kids whereas I might prefer a home-cooked meal since it’s something I don’t often take the time to make for just myself as one single person.  I may love your kids dearly but every once in a blue moon I might want to spend some time with YOU and not playing with your kids.  Remember that while the grass is greener on my side of the fence from where you’re looking, I’m on the opposite side of the fence looking back towards your side of the fence and thinking the opposite – that your side of the fence looks greener from where I’m standing!

The First Blog

To blog or not to blog...that is the question!

We as humans are by our very natures social creatures who want, if not need, to share our lives with others.  As a single woman living in a major metropolitan area, I often wonder what and how much to share.  For safety's sake I don't post on-line when I won't be home or on the flip side when I'll be home alone as you never know who might see what's posted out in cyber space.  Plus I'm an innately private person who typically keeps her cards close to her chest.  That being said, as a singleton who doesn't have someone at home to share my life with and, let's be honest, as a woman in my mid-30s, I want to share my life with someone to feel as if I'm making a difference and leaving my mark somewhere, somehow.

The question becomes...how much can you burden your friends with?  Most of my friends are in relationships (married or otherwise) often with children involved so, while they love me dearly, they can't always relate to my single life.  Not that they don't try...I know they care very much...it's just that we relate on a different level.

For example my best friend who is married with three kids can't relate at all to going out to dinner and getting "that look" when you ask the hostess for a table for one.  Yes, I said it, sometimes I go out to dinner and, gasp, want a table for one.  Not a seat at the bar but an actual table with chairs where a waitstaff comes to take my order and bring me my food.  I'll gladly pay for this service and will tip well for the hard work done by said waitstaff.  But until you've been there and done that you don't know the looks you sometimes get from the hostess who would rather save tables for a seating of multiple people (even if it is only two people) instead of seating one single person by his or herself.