Blessings through raindrops, healing through tears

A friend of mine recently shared this link (http://youtu.be/1CSVqHcdhXQ) on FaceBook and it really hit home to me.  A couple months ago this song ("Blessings" by Laura Story) was sung at my church by the daughter of the youth pastor I mentioned in an earlier blog.  Needless to say it had many of us near tears as she sang this song as an a cappella solo during the service.  Plus with everything I've had going on it really reminded me that things aren't always what they seem and that we often have to experience the rain to get the rainbow.

What if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise.

In your heart but not your life

At some point, you have to realize

that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.

Feeling Morose

Today I'm feeling morose, sullen, a bit ill-tempered and really just plain grumpy.


I know I have much to be thankful for...a roof over my head, food on my table, fairly good health, friends, family and a bit of savings in the bank.  And I am thankful for all of the positives in my life.  That being said I'm in a bit of a moopy, ungrateful mood today.


The youth pastor at the church I attend has been battling an aggressive form of cancer for the past couple of years.  He's been actively battling this disease with every medical option available to him with the love and support of his wife and two middle-school aged daughters.  Despite his best efforts (and those of his medical team) as well as his devotion to wherever God will take him, I just found out that he's taken a turn for the worse and is now under hospice care.  I feel so bad as he's one of the "good guys" who will be sorely missed.  His wife and young daughters will be left with holes in their hearts where he once was.  They've all been brave fighters during this whole ordeal yet they'll all suffer physically, mentally, and emotionally.  To quote any little kid, it's just "not fair".


Then there's my continued job search.  I'm getting leads, applying for jobs, going on interviews, writing handwritten thank you letters, and doing anything and everything possible to find a new job.  Yet despite being open to any job that might come my way and only needing one actual job offer, a new position remains elusive.  I completely and totally dislike not working.  I'm getting sick of the sympathetic looks and questions from friends and family.  They mean well but it's frustrating and embarrassing to have to continue to say that, yes I'm trying everything I can but no I don't have a new job yet.  And really, hello, once I do get a new job, I'll be the first to let everyone and anyone know so it's not like I'm withholding any information from anyone on a new job.


Then there's my dating life or lack thereof.  This past weekend, a well meaning friend set me up with a friend of hers for her wedding.  He and I went, sat together at the reception, and had a great time yet zero, zip, zilch.  He didn't make a move, didn't ask for a phone number and or otherwise make it seem like he was going to make a move or ask for my phone number in the future.  I know I'm not the perfect match for every guy however this seems to be the story of my life.


Guys seem to think that I'm funny, easy to get along with, fun to hang out with, and someone they enjoying spending time with.  But that's the extent that they're willing to take things.  I'm no more than just "one of the guys" for all intensive purposes.  And it just plain stinks.  I want to be seen as more than just one of the guys.  It really only will take one guy who sees me as important, special, pretty, etc.  I'm not asking any guy to meet me today and then walk me down the aisle tomorrow, dating at this point is fine.  I just would like to be considered as girlfriend material by just one guy who thinks I'm worth it.


So yes, I am officially moopy and miserable today but I'm not going to apologize as sometimes you just need to be in a bit of a funk before you can move forward.

Websites Galore

Have you seen this site?  Have you checked out that site?  Can you believe what I saw on this other site?

It seems like you can't turn turn around without coming across a wide variety of websites on any number of assorted topics.  Some are educational, some entertaining, and some just plan engrossing.  I can't tell you the amount of time I've spent between the following sites:

• www.goodreads.com -- social media relating to books
• www.bookmooch.com -- social media to exchange books
• www.facebook.com -- social media
• www.twitter.com -- social media
• www.chicagotribune.com -- my local newspaper
• www.indeed.com -- a great job search tool
• www.caringbridge.com -- connecting the ill with their friends and families
• Assorted other sites such as those for my bank, my gym, and the site for an organization I volunteer with among others

I'm also starting to explore the following sites that I haven't quite gotten hooked on yet that intrigue me:

• www.zaarly.com -- social media
• www.foursquare.com -- social media

While I think we've come such a long way with these advances in technology, on the flip side, I sometimes think that we're way too tied into our computer devices.  There are times when I wish we could do some of what we do without being so attached to a computer however I realize that much of what we do via these sites wasn't available prior to their on-line creation.

And yes, I do realize the irony of writing this on yet another website via this blog!

Facebook Friend Clean-up

What makes a Facebook friend?

Is it someone whose truly a good friend that you want another way to connect with?  Is it someone you were once friends with who you've just recently reconnected with?  Are they family members you want to share pictures with?  Or are they merely people whose path you've crossed?

Earlier today I decided to go through the 421 friends I have on Facebook and realized that quite a few were people who fell into one of two categories.  In one group are those whose paths I've crossed once or twice but who I really don't know all that well.  In the other group are a handful of people who I went to elementary / high school with but who I haven't really been in touch with since high school graduation over sixteen years ago.

I came up with thirty people who I ended up deleting from my friends list.  They're people I actually haven't communicated with since accepting their friend request.  No wall posts between us, no messages back and forth, no "liking" of photos or status up-dates.  The sad part is that I don't even know if they'll realize that I've "un-friended" them!

Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash sign of the times

A friend of mine just posted the following picture on Facebook and another friend had also mentioned it in a recent conversation we had.  It really is a literal and figurative sign of the times.

Fall colors in wine country

This past weekend I spent a couple days down in Missouri's wine country just west of St. Louis.  Who knew that Missouri is actually home to the country's first wine country?!?!

A friend of mine and I headed down from Chicago, met up with my cousin and his wife for a couple of wineries, and then spent Saturday night with two of my friend's college friends.  It was a great time to catch up with family and old friends as well as a relaxing time to check out the amazing fall colors and try out a few really good wineries.

In other words, it was exactly what I needed to rest and recharge from the craziness of life and my job search.  It was a chance to come home refreshed and ready for what's ahead.  And (even better) the several bottles of wine I brought with me will likely help with the relaxing and refreshing in the months ahead!

Yoga

According to the New American Oxford Dictionary, yoga is defined as the following:

A Hindu spiritual and ascetic discipline, a part of which, including breath control, simple meditation, and the adoption of specific bodily postures, is widely practiced for health and relaxation.

I know several people who swear by yoga in various forms.  Some prefer to practice yoga in their homes, others in a gym setting, while still others in the comfort of a studio specially set up for the yoga experience.  They wax poetically about the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual benefits of what they refer to as a relaxing experience.  In short, they can't imagine not having yoga a part of their lives.

I on the other hand, for the life of me, can't figure out what all the hype is about.  Years ago I tried a yoga class and just didn't get all that into it.  Maybe it was me, maybe it was the type of yoga in that particular class, or maybe it was that particular instructor but for whatever reason, I just didn't enjoy that yoga experience.  But, in the interest of broadening my horizons and giving yoga a second chance, I decided to take a yoga class at my gym today.

I had a slight reservation when I walked in and noticed that everyone had their own personal yoga mats from home.  I had assumed that since this was a free, regularly scheduled class at my gym open to all members that they would be prepared for random gym members such as myself dropping in for a class who might not have their own, personal yoga equipment but apparently not.  Thankfully the instructor had a couple of extra mats and she let me borrow one.  Then the lights were turned down and soft music was turned on as the class got started.  Not so bad I was thinking...for a very short amount of time.

When I go to the gym, it's to get a work out in and feel the benefit of my work. Usually I do some form of cardio and I've recently started adding in light weight machines as well to better round out my work outs.  No offense to yoga lovers, but I was bored silly.  As in, I spent the entire class watching the clock waiting for class to be over, thinking of things I needed to do later on today, and wondering what the benefit of the class was.  Don't get me wrong, a treadmill can bore me too but at least with a treadmill I can watch the TVs mounted on the walls of the gym, read a book or magazine, and listen to up-beat music to keep me going which is really not anything you can do in a yoga class!

And, as a note to yoga instructors everywhere, when someone walks into your class and lets you know before the class has even started that they're totally new to the style of class you're offering (as in someone like me who knows absolutely NOTHING about yoga), please, please, please don't assume that they'll know the names of the moves you're doing.  Especially if you have them move from a position where they're looking down at the ground to something else.  At least with a step class I can follow along those around me but if my forehead is on the mat below me it's a bit hard to look around at what everyone else is doing so I can follow along!

When you thought I wasn't looking

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.