Feeling Morose

Today I'm feeling morose, sullen, a bit ill-tempered and really just plain grumpy.


I know I have much to be thankful for...a roof over my head, food on my table, fairly good health, friends, family and a bit of savings in the bank.  And I am thankful for all of the positives in my life.  That being said I'm in a bit of a moopy, ungrateful mood today.


The youth pastor at the church I attend has been battling an aggressive form of cancer for the past couple of years.  He's been actively battling this disease with every medical option available to him with the love and support of his wife and two middle-school aged daughters.  Despite his best efforts (and those of his medical team) as well as his devotion to wherever God will take him, I just found out that he's taken a turn for the worse and is now under hospice care.  I feel so bad as he's one of the "good guys" who will be sorely missed.  His wife and young daughters will be left with holes in their hearts where he once was.  They've all been brave fighters during this whole ordeal yet they'll all suffer physically, mentally, and emotionally.  To quote any little kid, it's just "not fair".


Then there's my continued job search.  I'm getting leads, applying for jobs, going on interviews, writing handwritten thank you letters, and doing anything and everything possible to find a new job.  Yet despite being open to any job that might come my way and only needing one actual job offer, a new position remains elusive.  I completely and totally dislike not working.  I'm getting sick of the sympathetic looks and questions from friends and family.  They mean well but it's frustrating and embarrassing to have to continue to say that, yes I'm trying everything I can but no I don't have a new job yet.  And really, hello, once I do get a new job, I'll be the first to let everyone and anyone know so it's not like I'm withholding any information from anyone on a new job.


Then there's my dating life or lack thereof.  This past weekend, a well meaning friend set me up with a friend of hers for her wedding.  He and I went, sat together at the reception, and had a great time yet zero, zip, zilch.  He didn't make a move, didn't ask for a phone number and or otherwise make it seem like he was going to make a move or ask for my phone number in the future.  I know I'm not the perfect match for every guy however this seems to be the story of my life.


Guys seem to think that I'm funny, easy to get along with, fun to hang out with, and someone they enjoying spending time with.  But that's the extent that they're willing to take things.  I'm no more than just "one of the guys" for all intensive purposes.  And it just plain stinks.  I want to be seen as more than just one of the guys.  It really only will take one guy who sees me as important, special, pretty, etc.  I'm not asking any guy to meet me today and then walk me down the aisle tomorrow, dating at this point is fine.  I just would like to be considered as girlfriend material by just one guy who thinks I'm worth it.


So yes, I am officially moopy and miserable today but I'm not going to apologize as sometimes you just need to be in a bit of a funk before you can move forward.