At A Loss

I was headed out to a lunch meeting today for some volunteer work that I do when I got the call.  The call that I've been dreading for a while now.  The call letting me know that someone I care about very much had taken that final turn for the worse and that I needed to make it to the hospital sooner rather than later to say my good-byes before the life support was turned off.

So I went.  I was able to turn the lunch meeting into a coffee meeting.  I was able to hurry back to the office to coordinate coverage for my work this afternoon.  I was able to make it to the hospital with time to say goodbye to someone I've cared about for so many years.  I was able to support my dear friend (the daughter of the patient in the ICU who was about to lose his long battle) whose father was, in many ways, like a second father to me.

It was a bit of a hurry up and wait.  We hurried to come together...his wife, children, and two of us who have known the family for so long that we're like "bonus kids" and then we waited.  We hurried to get through prayers with a leader from the church and then we waited.  We waited and waited as the various steps to increase the pain medication were gone through that ultimately resulted with the turning off the life support.  And then we waited some more.  For you see, the man in the bed in the ICU knew he was surrounded by loved ones who so very much cared about him and he wasn't quite ready to go yet.

And then, with a final breath, with all of us surrounding him, he passed away.  His daughter, my dear friend, quietly cried and leaned onto me for support.  The other "bonus child" in the room leaned on my other side for support.  And we all cried.  We all stood at a loss for this man who we had loved so much and who had, in his own way, loved us in return.

Certainly we know that he's in a better place and out of pain.  Of course we know that, at some level, he knew that, in those final moments he was surrounded by those who love him so dearly.

But it still hurts.  It hurts to know that his strong determination and (let's be honest) stubbornness won't be there the next time we get together.  It hurts to know that someone we care about so much is gone.