Feeling Morose

Today I'm feeling morose, sullen, a bit ill-tempered and really just plain grumpy.


I know I have much to be thankful for...a roof over my head, food on my table, fairly good health, friends, family and a bit of savings in the bank.  And I am thankful for all of the positives in my life.  That being said I'm in a bit of a moopy, ungrateful mood today.


The youth pastor at the church I attend has been battling an aggressive form of cancer for the past couple of years.  He's been actively battling this disease with every medical option available to him with the love and support of his wife and two middle-school aged daughters.  Despite his best efforts (and those of his medical team) as well as his devotion to wherever God will take him, I just found out that he's taken a turn for the worse and is now under hospice care.  I feel so bad as he's one of the "good guys" who will be sorely missed.  His wife and young daughters will be left with holes in their hearts where he once was.  They've all been brave fighters during this whole ordeal yet they'll all suffer physically, mentally, and emotionally.  To quote any little kid, it's just "not fair".


Then there's my continued job search.  I'm getting leads, applying for jobs, going on interviews, writing handwritten thank you letters, and doing anything and everything possible to find a new job.  Yet despite being open to any job that might come my way and only needing one actual job offer, a new position remains elusive.  I completely and totally dislike not working.  I'm getting sick of the sympathetic looks and questions from friends and family.  They mean well but it's frustrating and embarrassing to have to continue to say that, yes I'm trying everything I can but no I don't have a new job yet.  And really, hello, once I do get a new job, I'll be the first to let everyone and anyone know so it's not like I'm withholding any information from anyone on a new job.


Then there's my dating life or lack thereof.  This past weekend, a well meaning friend set me up with a friend of hers for her wedding.  He and I went, sat together at the reception, and had a great time yet zero, zip, zilch.  He didn't make a move, didn't ask for a phone number and or otherwise make it seem like he was going to make a move or ask for my phone number in the future.  I know I'm not the perfect match for every guy however this seems to be the story of my life.


Guys seem to think that I'm funny, easy to get along with, fun to hang out with, and someone they enjoying spending time with.  But that's the extent that they're willing to take things.  I'm no more than just "one of the guys" for all intensive purposes.  And it just plain stinks.  I want to be seen as more than just one of the guys.  It really only will take one guy who sees me as important, special, pretty, etc.  I'm not asking any guy to meet me today and then walk me down the aisle tomorrow, dating at this point is fine.  I just would like to be considered as girlfriend material by just one guy who thinks I'm worth it.


So yes, I am officially moopy and miserable today but I'm not going to apologize as sometimes you just need to be in a bit of a funk before you can move forward.

27 Dresses in Real Life

For those who haven't seen the movie 27 Dresses starring Katherine Heigl you're missing out on a classic chic flick.  The movie's website (http://www.27dressesthemovie.com/) provides a great synopsis to bring those that haven't seen this movie up to speed:

27 Dresses centers on Jane (Heigl), an idealistic, romantic and completely selfless woman...a perennial bridal attendant whose own happy ending is nowhere in sight.  But when younger sister Tess captures the heart of Jane's boss -- with whom Jane is secretly in love -- Jane begins to reexamine her "always-a-bridesmaid" lifestyle.

The running comment among my friends for a number of years was how art (in this case the movie 27 Dresses) imitated life (in this case my own life).  I, like the character Jane, am the perennial bridal attendant whose own happy ending is nowhere in sight.

Several years ago, I had a three-year period that saw me at twenty-one weddings.  Yes you read that correctly, twenty-one (21!!!!) weddings over three years.  That broke down to eight weddings the first year, six the following, and seven the third year.  And that's not even including the one or two weddings I attended every year in the years prior to / after this specific three year period.  It got to the point that I took on a part-time job (in addition to my full-time one) at a leading kitchen-ware store at the local mall both to help pay for these weddings as well as to get a discount on all of the gifts that I was purchasing for said weddings!

This morning's edition of Chicago's Red Eye newspaper had an article titled "Bridesmaid backlash" on how everything from dresses to gifts to airline tickets adds up.  My initial thought, after all of the aforementioned weddings, was DUH!  I know that the costs incurred by bridesmaids is a mere blip in the grand scheme of the overall wedding budget but, for those of us not front and center in the white dress, those costs may stretch what, for many, is an already tight budget given the current economy.  And the kicker is that most brides I know (with few exceptions) are aware of these costs and try to be mindful of what they're asking of their friends but it still adds up quick.  A few of my truly favorite brides included the following:

• A good friend whose wedding I was maid-of-honor in wins the all-time amazing bride award.  Since she was having her two brothers as her other attendants, she picked out a formal dress I already owned.  Her brothers then got ties that matched my dress that they wore with suits they already owned.  Not only was it a comfortable dress I liked, it also went well with the colors she was considering and was a huge cost-saver for me and her brothers.  YEA!
• When my cousin got married a few years ago, she had three of us as her attendants and just asked that we all wear a black dress.  How perfect...we all got to select a style that we were comfortable in and that flattered each of our (very different) bodies and styles.  Plus a classic black dress is always one that you can (and we all did) wear again.
• Another friend of mine (while a bridezilla in other areas) also did a fabulous job in selecting her dresses which had the potential to be difficult given that the seven of us in her bridal party had such drastically different body types.  Instead of going the traditional one dress for everyone route, she selected a two-piece dress that had the same skirt for everyone and then different style tops for each of us.  She picked out a group of tops that we got to choose from and she was very mindful of who was in her wedding and did a great job of picking out ones with each of us in mind.  We got to feel as if we had a bit of say in what we wore that ensured that we were comfortable and happy with the dress we'd be in all day while still staying within her vision for her big day.

Of course all of these weddings haven't always been the icing on the cake.  Like all big events, many have been fraught with stories that we still talk about.  Who could forget when I broke a couple fingers as a bridesmaid when we got out of the Hummer Limo to take pictures at Wrigley Field?  Or what about the time one of my uncles offered to walk the bride (my cousin) out the church door instead up the aisle since he wasn't a fan of the guy she married?

While I, like Katherine Heigl's character in the movie 27 Dresses, have often evaluated my "always-a-bridesmaid" lifestyle, a part of me wonders if the whole big wedding craziness is worth it?  After-all, it's the end result (i.e. the marriage) that's really what's most important, right?

I've always said that, should I (hopefully) ever get married I'd want to elope or go to the court-house and do something (very) small.  It would save everyone a lot of money and craziness but on the flip side I know that my friends and family would expect a larger wedding with all the trimmings.

That makes me wonder...why do we go to all of the lengths that we go to for the bigger weddings?  Who are we doing these for and why?

Is the grass always greener?

So often I hear what is referred to as the "grass is greener" speech from my friends who are in relationships (married or otherwise) on how they envy parts of my single life.  According to them, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.

Since the “grass is greener” in my single life, I can eat out without having to compromise on where to eat.  Even better, I can eat out without kids, a diaper bag, a stroller, etc. and go to more than just those few restaurants that serve the ONE food that their kids will actually eat this week.  Not only is the grass greener but it’s also weed-free in my world enabling me to take off for an out-of-town trip without having to worry about anything other than my government-issued form of ID being up-to-date and confirming that mail delivery had been stopped.  I have, again according to this theory, a ton of disposable cash on hand since I don’t have to pay for childcare, activities for the kids (i.e. camp, music lessons, etc) and all of the other costs associated to having children.  The list goes on and on (and on) on how my world is coming up roses.

Of course what my friends don’t realize is that many of those meals out are meals eaten alone (see my first blog for my thoughts on that whole topic).  And those possible out-of-town trips, while amazing in theory, are dependent on finding someone else whose single or able to get away from their significant other and kids to go with which happens VARY rarely.  Or it involves traveling alone or as the third wheel.  Let’s be honest though, who really wants to go to some of the more romantic locations either alone or as the third wheel?

As for that excess disposable cash…don’t even get me started on the amount of money I’ve spent on gifts for things such as baby showers, first communions, birthdays, Christmas, baptisms, etc.  Not to mention the money I’ve spent on my friend’s weddings, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, bridesmaid costs, etc.  Don’t get me wrong, I love spoiling my friends and the children in my life rotten and I do so because of this love for those in my life but it adds up quickly.  Especially since I’m not just buying for the kids of one set of parents, I have over ten children who I’m regularly buying presents for in one form or another!

I’ll get off my soap-box now but I do ask that you remember that where you see green grass I may see weeds.  My married friends may enjoy that meal out sans kids whereas I might prefer a home-cooked meal since it’s something I don’t often take the time to make for just myself as one single person.  I may love your kids dearly but every once in a blue moon I might want to spend some time with YOU and not playing with your kids.  Remember that while the grass is greener on my side of the fence from where you’re looking, I’m on the opposite side of the fence looking back towards your side of the fence and thinking the opposite – that your side of the fence looks greener from where I’m standing!