Meeting Pilot Boy

After nearly two years of talking via phone, Skype, text, and FaceTime on our phones, "Pilot Boy" and I finally met last night.

He flew in yesterday evening with a fly out scheduled for this morning.  I had afternoon / dinner plans with a friend yesterday so we met up after I was done with my dinner plans giving him time to get settled into his hotel room and changed out of his work uniform.

"Pilot Boy" and I talked, hung out, and had a good-night kiss.  It was a normal, well-adjusted first meeting / first date.  He was more of a gentleman than I was prepared to give him credit for which impressed me.  Of course the fact that he was dog tired and we ended up cutting the date shorter than I would have otherwise wanted is a minor detail however beggars can't be choosers...a first date / meeting is still a first date / meeting.  Especially considering what it's taken for us to get to this point of actually meeting in person.

As he was scheduled to fly from Chicago to St. Thomas for work this morning with an immediate return flight back to Chicago this afternoon and an overnight layover, we had tentative plans to meet again this evening for dinner and to hang out.  Yes, plans to meet twice in one weekend which had me surprised and impressed.  Excited even at the prospect of a second date.

But of course "Pilot Boy" pulled his usual routine of having "something suddenly come up".  This time he had an "upset stomach all day" leaving him in a position where all he wanted to do was check into the hotel and relax this evening without seeing me tonight.  Certainly I understand and respect not feeling good, especially when you're away from home, where all you want to do is curl up alone and get better.  On the flip side, I'm frustrated that he just keeps giving me what, on the one hand, could be genuine glitches to our plans or, on the other hand, could just as equally be a dose of BS crap to get out of seeing me.

I suppose only time tell with where this may lead if it in fact has any potential to lead anywhere past where we're at now.  My only hope is that he can "man up" and be honest with what he does or doesn't want in regards to me.  While I have a lot to offer, I get that I'm not the ideal woman for every guy and I'm okay with that.  But if I didn't meet his expectations after we meet in person, I just wish that he'd be honest instead of feeding me a line before heading out of town.  Is that too much to ask?

Direction-less

A friend of mine recently posted this on Facebook and it made me chuckle....

I believe there is a person out there for every one of us, mine just got lost and does not want to ask for directions.

Childless Mother's Day

Mother's Day....the one Sunday a year set aside for mothers in our lives.  Whether they're our moms, grandmothers, step-mothers, or "mom figures" we set aside this day to celebrate them.  While my own mother and I don't have a close relationship I support this holiday and celebrate her and all of those amazing women in my life who have acted as mother figures filling the gap between me and my own mom.

That being said, as a 35 year old woman who hasn't been fortunate enough yet to get married or have children (and who very much wants to be married and is starting to seriously question possibly wanting children) today is a tough day for me.  (Is this that mysterious biological clock I've heard about?!?!)

In the days leading up to today, many well intentioned people have wished me a happy mother's day.  From the checker at the grocery store to the woman at the front desk at my doctor's office, people look at women of a certain age and assume that we're mothers.  And they, for all the right reasons and with nothing but the best of intentions, wish us a happy mother's day despite the fact that I, and many people like me, don't have children.  Some are childless by choice and some not as much by choice but instead by circumstance.

On the outside I smile and say thank you.  I recognize the well intent being offered and take it as such.  But on the inside, I cringe and fight back a well of emotion.  I struggle to not let my disappointment at being single, never married and childless at my age not get to me.  I force myself to remember that being single and childless has it's advantages too.  But it's a tough, emotional struggle.

I'm very lucky to have many children in my life from my niece and nephew to my best friend's three children who call me aunt to my godson and his sister.  All of these children are a blessing to my life but they're not "my children".  And that leaves me sad and feeling alone on a day like today that celebrates motherhood.

During church this morning my pastor seemed to "get it".  His sermon did focus on this being mother's day but, at the end of the service, he asked all of the women in the congregation to stand up.  At that time, he recognized all of us for whatever role we fulfill in the lives of the children around us.  We may "just" be the aunt, teacher, godmother, or friend, but we all serve some type of "mom role" at some point and in some way.

Time Flies

Growing up my mother always said that the older you get the quicker time goes.  As a kid I thought she was crazy but the older I've gotten the quicker time seems to fly by and I'm thinking she may be on to something.

Where has the time gone and how are we really over a third of the way through 2012?!?!?!  We're experiencing April showers (a bit late) and will hopefully soon have those May flowers.  We're starting to look at Memorial Day which means that summer is just around the corner.

While life has kept me busy and enjoying myself, I'm not quite sure where the time has gone!

A lesson in relaxation

Do they notice?

Sometimes people don't notice what we do for them...

...until we stop doing it.

My Dating Life Is An Epic Fail

I'm convinced that my dating life is an epic fail.  Or at least trying to set up a date with "pilot boy" is an epic fail.  

We had plans to meet in person last week.  First it was plans for a week ago Saturday during a longer lay-over that he had scheduled at O'Hare.  But, as luck would have it, due to flight delays the night before, he and crew were grounded from working the Miami to Chicago flight on Saturday due to having gone over their allowed flight hours in the preceding twenty-four hours.  They were then deadheaded to Chicago on a slightly later flight so that they could work the Chicago to New York flight but it was a late enough flight up to Chicago as to eliminate a chance for us to meet.

We then made plans to meet on Wednesday.  He was scheduled to be done with his flight schedule either Tuesday night or Wednesday morning which would allow him to fly on a pass to Chicago before heading down to his home in Florida for a few days off.  Hello, a man willing to fly from New York to Tampa by way of Chicago for dinner with me...he was prepared to earn major brownie points for that effort.  Even if he can fly for free on a pass since he flies with a major airline carrier, Chicago isn't exactly on the way from New York to Tampa.  But, of course, Sunday morning his schedule changed and he had to pick up a shift that wouldn't allow him to meet up with me this past Wednesday.

That then lead us to make plans for tomorrow.  I happen to be taking a comp day from work tomorrow since I have several comp days to burn and having this previously scheduled day off work would enable me to meet up with him whenever he'd be able to get in town.  His work schedule this week is such that he'd be flying in just to spend time with me so there wouldn't be any work related complications / delays.

Which leads us to this afternoon when I sent him the following text to confirm the plans we had for tomorrow:  "So, given our track record of things not working out at the last minute, I'm hesitant to ask this but...are we on for actually meeting tomorrow?"  And his response..."Oh shit - I totally rearranged things!  I meant to text you just lot going on!  Plus I have a little cold.  :( sorry"

Really?!?!  He rearranged things already and was "meaning to text me"?!?!?!

I responded that I had a hunch that something may have come up as that always seems to be the case. He came back that he has a hunch that we'll eventually meet and that it's "inevitable" that we do.  Inevitable...really?!?!  That's the best you can come up with?!?!

I came back with "The ball is in your court...I am game, we just have to make it happen with the craziness that always seems to pop up in your neck of the woods."  Basically trying to say to him that I'm onto his game of always having to cancel for crap reasons and that, while I'm interested, he needs to make some effort.  Needless to say I haven't gotten a response back to that text yet!

  I mean really, I realize that things come up, sometimes at the last minute, but is it too much for me to ask that he have a bit of respect to proactively be in touch when things change and not wait for me to call him out?  Was he going to wait until tomorrow morning to let me know that things had suddenly changed?

It's craziness I tell you!