Group Conversation Dynamics

It's always entertaining for me when I meet a new couple in a group setting.  In many cases the men gravitate towards one conversation while the women cluster together for a different conversation.

As a single woman the expectation is that I'll chat with the women in a group setting.  Often times that's a fun thing to do.  But there are other times when I'm surrounded by a group full of women who are all married and / or mothers.  In those cases, at some point the conversation often turns to married life and the various antics of their children / husband.  In some cases it's both their children AND husbands with the same antics!  Since these are topics I have nothing in common with I often "space out" rather quickly on these conversations, especially when they drag on and on.  No offense to the mothers I know but the reality is that I couldn't care less about your children's potty training habits.  :)

Many times, once these assorted potty training and other such related stories have gone on for a while, I'll eventually gravitate towards the men's conversation that is often about sports and work related topics that I can actually relate to.  When this happens it's almost inevitable that the woman of the aforementioned couple I've just met will start shooting daggers in my direction with her eyes.

There's something about a single woman in a group that sparks a defensive manner around many married women.  In my experience, married women who meet a single women for the first time automatically assume that, at some point, we're looking to "steal their man".  And inevitably one of the first women to get defensive is the woman whose husband I wouldn't be attracted to in a million years even if he was single and eligible for me to go after!

Ladies...please don't get offended if the single women you know would rather talk with the men instead of the women.  Most of the time it has nothing to do with the actual men in the group and is instead due to the topics of conversation at hand.  Instead of getting upset with the lone single woman standing talking sports or work with the guys, consider having a conversation with her about something other than your husband's quirky habits or your children's adorable talent show!

Just a babysitter?

One thing that amazes me is when I won't hear from friends for a while and then suddenly when they need a babysitter I'm first in line for that call.

Don't get me wrong, I love the children in my life thanks to my friends and family who have kids but really, sometimes I'd like to hear from said friends and family on adult related topics instead of just to see if I'm free to help care for their kids.  And, shocker here, sometimes I'd like to even spend time with said adults to catch up instead of just having their adorable kids be the focus of the day.

Certainly kid time is a great thing that I enjoy very much but the reality is that I'm friends with the adults first and not the kids so I would, occasionally, like to spend time with those adults focused on adult conversations.

Lightening, Lightening go away...

...don't come back another day!

When I was in college, a childhood friend of mine was struck by lightening and killed while reffing a Park District youth soccer game.  Ever since then, I could really do without major thunder and lightening storms such as what we've had this past week.  Storms like what we've been experiencing keep me up at night and are cause for tension and frustration.

Considering how badly we've needed rain lately though I really don't mind the recent rains and my flowers and grass certainly appreciate the water!  It's really just the deep, ground-trembling thunder and lightening that I could do without.  Of course I'd also prefer that the rain be more in the realm of slow and steady downfall instead of quick and sudden downpours that leave us with flash flood warnings but beggars can't be choosers I suppose!

This, I suppose, is a case where the grass really will be greener on the other side of these storms however I wish there was a more pleasant way to get there!

Birthdays

While my birthday is still a half a year away, I came across this quote on a blog that I follow and it sums up my thoughts on birthdays perfectly!

Birthdays need to be celebrated. I think it is more important to celebrate a birthday than a successful exam, a promotion, or a victory. Because to celebrate a birthday means to say to someone, 'Thank you for being you.' On a birthday, we do not say, 'Thanks for what you did, or said, or accomplished.' No, we say: 'Thank you for being born and being among us.'

 

~ Henri Nouwen, Here and Now

Appearances can be deceiving

Those who appear to be really strong,

really are the most sensitive.

Those who spend all their time protecting others,

sometimes really need someone to protect them.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

Happy 60th Birthday!

Happy 60th Birthday to my Dad today!  We enjoyed a day at Arlington Park Racetrack with close family enjoying lunch and the races.

I also got to enjoy time with my three-year-old niece and one-year-old nephew who are always a blast!  It also made me appreciate that I can spoil my them rotten, love spending time with them. and then send them home.  They're two amazing kids who I totally enjoy being with but when they, like all children, hit their limits, it's nice that their mom and dad (my brother and sister-in-law) are there to take care of that part.  :)

Missing Those Chicago Winters

Often I get grief for the fact that I actually LIKE Chicago winters.  Throw on a few extra layers and you're good to go is my motto.  Days like we've had this week with the actual temps nearing 100 degrees and the heat index well exceeding 100 degrees makes me especially appreciate those colder winter days as well as my working air conditioning!  That the thermostat in my car read approx. 90 degrees at 8:30 pm tonight seems especially wrong!

While I think that San Diego has the ideal, year-round weather, I suppose it is weather like what we're having now that especially makes me appreciate the colder weather that we in Chicago get to experience a better part of the year.

Now if only we could feel those winds that Chicago is known for start to blow we might just have a chance at a bit of a break!

An airport and an oil well

Flying into Oklahoma City on Friday I was reminded of the fact that they have oil wells on / adjacent to the Will Rogers World Airport.  When I first visited Oklahoma City two years ago this totally threw me for a loop.  As a Chicago native who grew up under the landing patterns of Chicago's O'Hare International Airport, I'm fairly well versed in the uniqueness that can be an airport.  For example did you know that O'Hare's three letter code is ORD because it was built on a former orchard?  Did you also know that there is (for the time being at least) a cemetery on the official grounds of O'Hare?

Needless to say I should be used to out of the ordinary things on / next to the grounds of an airport.  That being said, I can't say that I'm all too used to seeing oil wells in general so that one did keep me on my toes a bit.

In talking to my shuttle driver a couple years ago, he mentioned that he often gets comments from out-of-towners about these and sometimes he even gets asked to pull over so tourists can get their pictures taken with the oil wells in the back-ground.  While I didn't go that far either that time or this one, I did get a picture from the shuttle this evening as we returned to the airport as this is something that still makes me smile.

Yea I am "that" city girl who is intrigued by an oil well next to the airport!

It's the perspective of the matter

It's been a fun weekend in the great state of Oklahoma however I now feel that I can't complain (as much) about the hot weather in Chicago.

The conference I'm attending this weekend did an optional two mile walk as a part of our programming at 6:45 am this morning.  Since I knew I'd be sitting a better part of the rest of the day I opted to participate as it also gave me a chance to see a bit more of the University of Oklahoma where the conference is at.  Initially I thought that stepping off at such an early start time was crazy.  That mindset changed quickly though as the day went on and made my very appreciative of those Oklahoma winds that came sweepin' down the plains towards the end of our walk!

By mid-day it was well over 100 degrees here with a heat index of around 113 degrees and I had to chuckle at the voicemail message from a friend at home wanting to know if I wanted to hit the pool with her since it was approaching 90 degrees at home.  In my voicemail message back to her, after regretfully declining her invitation, I had to mention that I wish it was "only" 90 degrees here!  Grant it, it's a bit of a dryer heat here but 100+ degrees is still hot no matter how much less humidity you have here!

Life as a Bad Country Song

Today especially my life feels like one bad country song.  If I were to write said song it would start off something like this....

Lost my job...cell phone died...car died...computer died.

Do I really want to know what's next?



We've all heard that things happen in threes so after my job was downsized and my cell phone died and then my car died I was hopefully optimistic that that was the last of my major "events" for a while.  I must have jinxed myself because I no sooner said that then my computer fully died out mid-job search.

My hope is that I'm hitting my figurative "rock bottom" and that I can only go upwards from here.  My hope is that this will serve as a reminder that we aren't always in control and that oftentimes we need to accept what comes our way and overcome the challenges put in our path.  My hope is that I'm not starting a second set of "threes" with two more events to still have happen!

Today

I am today what yesterday has made me; tomorrow I shall be changed by today's experiences.

 

~~ Author Unknown ~~

Love is...

Love is...

...better late than never.

Many (many) years ago, an ex-boyfriend of mine found this quote in a one cell comic that he sent to me.  It was included in a Christmas card that (if memory serves me right) he dropped off on Christmas morning while I was home from college that winter on break a few months before we actually started dating.  We had been friends since the seventh grade but didn't start dating until just after sophmore year of college ended and, while after four years together the relationship with him didn't work out, over time we've returned to the friends that we started out as.

I've kept this little one and a half inch by three inch square framed on my desk as I know that, eventually, love will find me and it really will be better late than never.

The layoff....

...occurred today.

While I've known for the better part of the last year that, in the event that my company needed to downsize, my position would likely be the first to go admittingly I was starting to gather hope that things were looking up and that this possibility wouldn't become a reality.  Sadly I was wrong.

My (now former) company is being relatively generous.  They've offered to pay me along with providing benefits through this month.  My accrued vacation time will be paid out in addition to this time.  I'll be eligible for unemployment starting August 1st after my last "official day" with the company.  My boss thanked me prior to leaving today for being so gracious about being laid off.  All in all, I am lucky that, despite being laid off, I was able to leave on a positive note with my head held high and a reference in both my boss as well as the executive chairman of the board.

That being said I would prefer to have a job.  I know that this is a sign of the times and that many people are in the same situation for similar reasons.  I also know that, with my experience and given time, I'll find a new job.  I'm fortunate to have a safety net both in my savings account and among my family and friends to catch me.

But still...I would prefer to have a job.  As a single woman with a mortgage to pay, the concept of being unemployed is a less than stellar prospect.  As a single woman who doesn't have the income and medical benefits of a spouse or boyfriend to rely on I know that it's all on me to find something new, preferably sooner rather than later.  As a single woman trying to date, I know that being unemployed isn't exactly the most attractive feature.

I need to remember that I'm a strong woman who will overcome this layoff and will be better off in the long run.  I need to remember that everything happens for a reason and that, while uncertain now, I'll look back and realize that this may be the best thing that could have happened.

Can men and women be "just friends"?

In the movie When Harry Met Sally, there is an entire conversation between Harry and Sally about how "men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way."

While I've thought about this often and wondered if that's true, it really hit home for me this evening.  After spending an amazing Saturday (July 2nd) with a group of friends on Lake Michigan on one of our friend's boat and then grilling out at the marina, the group dwindled down to three couples plus me and one of my guy friends who I've known for upwards of ten years.

This is a guy who I've traveled with a couple of times (both times with a few other people) as well as seen on a regular basis over the course of these years.  Yet we've never dated, expressed interest in each other or done anything that could possibly muddle the territory of pure friendship.  But in my ever single state and as more and more of my friends are settling down I've really started taking a look at my guy friends and wondering why they and I haven't ever tried making a relationship work as more than "just friends".

Is it that I'm not attracted to them?  Are they not attracted to me?  Is it that, by some unspoken agreement, we don't want to risk our friendship by adding an attraction to the mix?  Or, as that aforementioned conversation between Harry and Sally goes on to say, is an attraction already there in one way, shape or form just waiting for us to realize this and act upon it?

27 Dresses in Real Life

For those who haven't seen the movie 27 Dresses starring Katherine Heigl you're missing out on a classic chic flick.  The movie's website (http://www.27dressesthemovie.com/) provides a great synopsis to bring those that haven't seen this movie up to speed:

27 Dresses centers on Jane (Heigl), an idealistic, romantic and completely selfless woman...a perennial bridal attendant whose own happy ending is nowhere in sight.  But when younger sister Tess captures the heart of Jane's boss -- with whom Jane is secretly in love -- Jane begins to reexamine her "always-a-bridesmaid" lifestyle.

The running comment among my friends for a number of years was how art (in this case the movie 27 Dresses) imitated life (in this case my own life).  I, like the character Jane, am the perennial bridal attendant whose own happy ending is nowhere in sight.

Several years ago, I had a three-year period that saw me at twenty-one weddings.  Yes you read that correctly, twenty-one (21!!!!) weddings over three years.  That broke down to eight weddings the first year, six the following, and seven the third year.  And that's not even including the one or two weddings I attended every year in the years prior to / after this specific three year period.  It got to the point that I took on a part-time job (in addition to my full-time one) at a leading kitchen-ware store at the local mall both to help pay for these weddings as well as to get a discount on all of the gifts that I was purchasing for said weddings!

This morning's edition of Chicago's Red Eye newspaper had an article titled "Bridesmaid backlash" on how everything from dresses to gifts to airline tickets adds up.  My initial thought, after all of the aforementioned weddings, was DUH!  I know that the costs incurred by bridesmaids is a mere blip in the grand scheme of the overall wedding budget but, for those of us not front and center in the white dress, those costs may stretch what, for many, is an already tight budget given the current economy.  And the kicker is that most brides I know (with few exceptions) are aware of these costs and try to be mindful of what they're asking of their friends but it still adds up quick.  A few of my truly favorite brides included the following:

• A good friend whose wedding I was maid-of-honor in wins the all-time amazing bride award.  Since she was having her two brothers as her other attendants, she picked out a formal dress I already owned.  Her brothers then got ties that matched my dress that they wore with suits they already owned.  Not only was it a comfortable dress I liked, it also went well with the colors she was considering and was a huge cost-saver for me and her brothers.  YEA!
• When my cousin got married a few years ago, she had three of us as her attendants and just asked that we all wear a black dress.  How perfect...we all got to select a style that we were comfortable in and that flattered each of our (very different) bodies and styles.  Plus a classic black dress is always one that you can (and we all did) wear again.
• Another friend of mine (while a bridezilla in other areas) also did a fabulous job in selecting her dresses which had the potential to be difficult given that the seven of us in her bridal party had such drastically different body types.  Instead of going the traditional one dress for everyone route, she selected a two-piece dress that had the same skirt for everyone and then different style tops for each of us.  She picked out a group of tops that we got to choose from and she was very mindful of who was in her wedding and did a great job of picking out ones with each of us in mind.  We got to feel as if we had a bit of say in what we wore that ensured that we were comfortable and happy with the dress we'd be in all day while still staying within her vision for her big day.

Of course all of these weddings haven't always been the icing on the cake.  Like all big events, many have been fraught with stories that we still talk about.  Who could forget when I broke a couple fingers as a bridesmaid when we got out of the Hummer Limo to take pictures at Wrigley Field?  Or what about the time one of my uncles offered to walk the bride (my cousin) out the church door instead up the aisle since he wasn't a fan of the guy she married?

While I, like Katherine Heigl's character in the movie 27 Dresses, have often evaluated my "always-a-bridesmaid" lifestyle, a part of me wonders if the whole big wedding craziness is worth it?  After-all, it's the end result (i.e. the marriage) that's really what's most important, right?

I've always said that, should I (hopefully) ever get married I'd want to elope or go to the court-house and do something (very) small.  It would save everyone a lot of money and craziness but on the flip side I know that my friends and family would expect a larger wedding with all the trimmings.

That makes me wonder...why do we go to all of the lengths that we go to for the bigger weddings?  Who are we doing these for and why?