Merry Christmas to all....

....and to all a good night!

My favorite church service of the year is the 10:30 pm traditional candle light service at my church every Christmas Eve.  We close the service with the lights dimmed, four Christmas trees along the walls of the alter strung with glowing white lights and an alter adorned with a plethora of lit candles.

As the service comes to a close, like many churches, we sing Silent Night.  As a connection to the founders of our church (German settlers who founded the church I attend over 160 years ago) we sing the first verse of Silent Night in German with the remaining verses sung in either German or English depending on each individual's preference.  While we are now a congregation of a wide variety of ethnic backgrounds there's something comforting about going back to our roots and German church founders.

In addition, there's something comforting about the fact that this tradition reminds me of Christmases of years gone by when we'd visit my paternal grandparents for Christmas.  My home church reminds me often of my paternal grandparent's home church an hour and a half south of me that was also founded by German farmers.  Simple, hardworking folk that have taught me well the importance of stopping for a moment to remember that which is important.

Bears Repeating

I posted this quote several months ago but it's been on my mind again lately so I thought that it bears repeating.  Especially during the holidays, it's worth remembering that those who appear the strongest may be putting up a front as they protect those around them.  They may really desire someone to be strong for them and protect them as they do the same for those around them.

Those who appear to be really strong,

really are the most sensitive.

Those who spend all their time protecting others,

sometimes really need someone to protect them.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

Pilot Boy

I've previously mentioned the guy I refer to as "pilot boy".  The one who has raised so many flags that I should be running (quickly) away from him.

We had tentative plans to finally meet in person this past Monday.  He was scheduled for training in Chicago and we'd be able to meet after he was done with training and after I got off work.  We'd catch up over Chicago-style pizza and enjoy getting to talk in-person.  And then he texted me at lunch time to let me know that he had gotten things mixed up and was actually flying from New York City to the west coast and not in fact in training in Chicago.  He had "gotten the dates mixed up" and had just realized the night before that he'd be flying instead of in training.

Yet another red flag on why this guy is just bad news.  Add that to the fact that I did a bit of a searching recently and discovered that he's not in fact a pilot but is instead a flight attendant.  Don't get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for flight attendants, but a flight attendant is a bit different from the pilot that he made himself out to be.

He may be a fly boy but he needs to straighten up and fly right!

Bye-bye Baby Bye-bye

Exciting news...I'm going to be an aunt again!  My sister-in-law let me know today that she's pregnant with her and my brother's third child which is great.  My four-year-old niece and two-year-old nephew will be great older siblings to this newest addition to the family.

That is provided that my niece doesn't do the same thing that she did when my nephew was born.  While Caroline understood that she was getting a new baby brother or sister, she was young enough to not quite understand the full specifics of that concept.  When it was time for Sammy to come home from the hospital,  her response was "bye-bye baby bye-bye".  She wasn't so sure about having to share mom and dad (along with dog Nala) with this new baby.  Thankfully she is now a loving big sister who gets along with her younger brother quite well so I'm confident that this newest addition will be an easier fit.

Anyway

People are often unreasonable and self-centered.

FORGIVE them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.

Be KIND anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you.

Be HONEST anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous.

Be HAPPY anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.

Do GOOD anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.

Give your BEST anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.

It never was between you and them anyway.

~~ by Mother Teresa ~~

The moon among the stars

Never ignore a person that loves you, cares for you, and misses you.

Because one day you might wake up from your sleep to realize

that you lost the moon while counting the stars.

A pain in the neck

How many times have we heard the phrase "a pain in the neck"?  Often it's in reference to someone or something being a pain in our necks.  In my case, today at least, it's a real and genuine pain in my neck!

For the last ten years or so I've dealt with sporadic neck spasms / pain / nerve issues that really and truly knock me out for the count.  The first time it happened I had never been so scared in my life since I didn't know what was happening.  Over the years though I've learned that this happens every six or so months and am therefore not as freaked out when it happens.  That being said, it's very disconcerting to wake up to shooting pain in your neck and to not be able to really move your neck much at all without throbbing pain.

A few times I have landed myself in the urgent care to get it addressed however more often that not, I can address it with pain killers left over from my last visit in to take care of the pain.  Grant it, I have a relatively  high thresh-hold for pain so I do tend to deal with more than I probably should.  I also therefore physically do more than I probably should given what's going on.  I'll take the meds to mask the pain and continue my life as usual when instead I should be laying low and letting my body heal itself.

This pain in the neck should be a wake up call to take care of myself but instead I shrug it off and keep going.  I suppose I'm really being a pain in my own neck both figuratively and literally!

New job!!!

What a great way to end the week and head into the Thanksgiving week...with a new job!  It's a great position with an amazing organization and people that I'll be honored to work with.  Such a weight off my shoulders and something to look forward to!

While being unemployed hasn't always been a bed of roses, this new job has proven that all things happen for a reason and I'm excited that being laid off from my last job lead me to this new job that I can't wait to start!

A partridge in a pear tree (revised)

So we all know the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas" where we sing about two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree among other things.  This week my life seems to resemble this concept only it's a bit different.

Instead of seven swans-a-swimming, six geese-a-laying, and five golden rings, my life this week includes the following:

• Five (possibly six) job interviews
• Three funerals
• Two pre-funeral wakes
• Two doctors appointments (one of which had to be rescheduled due to one of the aforementioned funerals)
• One second date with a guy who is quickly digging himself out of a third date before the second date has even started
• One car gone on the fritz
• And zero partridges in a pear tree

Needless to say it's been a bit of craziness but 'tis the season I suppose!

Cruising the High Seas

One of my dearest friends turned forty this past Sunday.  To celebrate, eleven of us took a three night Caribbean cruise that was a BLAST!

It was a merry band of people that my friend has known from different stages in her life.  As a testament to what a great group of friends she has, we all blended well together and were able to ebb and flow together as if we had all known each other for years despite the fact that many of us had just met for the first time at the start of this trip.  I hope that when I turn forty I'm able to celebrate in similar fashion.

It was a great chance to get away from the craziness of what's been going on in "real life" as well as a fun way to celebrate my friend on a milestone birthday.

Blessings through raindrops, healing through tears

A friend of mine recently shared this link (http://youtu.be/1CSVqHcdhXQ) on FaceBook and it really hit home to me.  A couple months ago this song ("Blessings" by Laura Story) was sung at my church by the daughter of the youth pastor I mentioned in an earlier blog.  Needless to say it had many of us near tears as she sang this song as an a cappella solo during the service.  Plus with everything I've had going on it really reminded me that things aren't always what they seem and that we often have to experience the rain to get the rainbow.

What if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise.

In your heart but not your life

At some point, you have to realize

that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.

Feeling Morose

Today I'm feeling morose, sullen, a bit ill-tempered and really just plain grumpy.


I know I have much to be thankful for...a roof over my head, food on my table, fairly good health, friends, family and a bit of savings in the bank.  And I am thankful for all of the positives in my life.  That being said I'm in a bit of a moopy, ungrateful mood today.


The youth pastor at the church I attend has been battling an aggressive form of cancer for the past couple of years.  He's been actively battling this disease with every medical option available to him with the love and support of his wife and two middle-school aged daughters.  Despite his best efforts (and those of his medical team) as well as his devotion to wherever God will take him, I just found out that he's taken a turn for the worse and is now under hospice care.  I feel so bad as he's one of the "good guys" who will be sorely missed.  His wife and young daughters will be left with holes in their hearts where he once was.  They've all been brave fighters during this whole ordeal yet they'll all suffer physically, mentally, and emotionally.  To quote any little kid, it's just "not fair".


Then there's my continued job search.  I'm getting leads, applying for jobs, going on interviews, writing handwritten thank you letters, and doing anything and everything possible to find a new job.  Yet despite being open to any job that might come my way and only needing one actual job offer, a new position remains elusive.  I completely and totally dislike not working.  I'm getting sick of the sympathetic looks and questions from friends and family.  They mean well but it's frustrating and embarrassing to have to continue to say that, yes I'm trying everything I can but no I don't have a new job yet.  And really, hello, once I do get a new job, I'll be the first to let everyone and anyone know so it's not like I'm withholding any information from anyone on a new job.


Then there's my dating life or lack thereof.  This past weekend, a well meaning friend set me up with a friend of hers for her wedding.  He and I went, sat together at the reception, and had a great time yet zero, zip, zilch.  He didn't make a move, didn't ask for a phone number and or otherwise make it seem like he was going to make a move or ask for my phone number in the future.  I know I'm not the perfect match for every guy however this seems to be the story of my life.


Guys seem to think that I'm funny, easy to get along with, fun to hang out with, and someone they enjoying spending time with.  But that's the extent that they're willing to take things.  I'm no more than just "one of the guys" for all intensive purposes.  And it just plain stinks.  I want to be seen as more than just one of the guys.  It really only will take one guy who sees me as important, special, pretty, etc.  I'm not asking any guy to meet me today and then walk me down the aisle tomorrow, dating at this point is fine.  I just would like to be considered as girlfriend material by just one guy who thinks I'm worth it.


So yes, I am officially moopy and miserable today but I'm not going to apologize as sometimes you just need to be in a bit of a funk before you can move forward.

Websites Galore

Have you seen this site?  Have you checked out that site?  Can you believe what I saw on this other site?

It seems like you can't turn turn around without coming across a wide variety of websites on any number of assorted topics.  Some are educational, some entertaining, and some just plan engrossing.  I can't tell you the amount of time I've spent between the following sites:

• www.goodreads.com -- social media relating to books
• www.bookmooch.com -- social media to exchange books
• www.facebook.com -- social media
• www.twitter.com -- social media
• www.chicagotribune.com -- my local newspaper
• www.indeed.com -- a great job search tool
• www.caringbridge.com -- connecting the ill with their friends and families
• Assorted other sites such as those for my bank, my gym, and the site for an organization I volunteer with among others

I'm also starting to explore the following sites that I haven't quite gotten hooked on yet that intrigue me:

• www.zaarly.com -- social media
• www.foursquare.com -- social media

While I think we've come such a long way with these advances in technology, on the flip side, I sometimes think that we're way too tied into our computer devices.  There are times when I wish we could do some of what we do without being so attached to a computer however I realize that much of what we do via these sites wasn't available prior to their on-line creation.

And yes, I do realize the irony of writing this on yet another website via this blog!

Facebook Friend Clean-up

What makes a Facebook friend?

Is it someone whose truly a good friend that you want another way to connect with?  Is it someone you were once friends with who you've just recently reconnected with?  Are they family members you want to share pictures with?  Or are they merely people whose path you've crossed?

Earlier today I decided to go through the 421 friends I have on Facebook and realized that quite a few were people who fell into one of two categories.  In one group are those whose paths I've crossed once or twice but who I really don't know all that well.  In the other group are a handful of people who I went to elementary / high school with but who I haven't really been in touch with since high school graduation over sixteen years ago.

I came up with thirty people who I ended up deleting from my friends list.  They're people I actually haven't communicated with since accepting their friend request.  No wall posts between us, no messages back and forth, no "liking" of photos or status up-dates.  The sad part is that I don't even know if they'll realize that I've "un-friended" them!

Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash sign of the times

A friend of mine just posted the following picture on Facebook and another friend had also mentioned it in a recent conversation we had.  It really is a literal and figurative sign of the times.

Fall colors in wine country

This past weekend I spent a couple days down in Missouri's wine country just west of St. Louis.  Who knew that Missouri is actually home to the country's first wine country?!?!

A friend of mine and I headed down from Chicago, met up with my cousin and his wife for a couple of wineries, and then spent Saturday night with two of my friend's college friends.  It was a great time to catch up with family and old friends as well as a relaxing time to check out the amazing fall colors and try out a few really good wineries.

In other words, it was exactly what I needed to rest and recharge from the craziness of life and my job search.  It was a chance to come home refreshed and ready for what's ahead.  And (even better) the several bottles of wine I brought with me will likely help with the relaxing and refreshing in the months ahead!

Yoga

According to the New American Oxford Dictionary, yoga is defined as the following:

A Hindu spiritual and ascetic discipline, a part of which, including breath control, simple meditation, and the adoption of specific bodily postures, is widely practiced for health and relaxation.

I know several people who swear by yoga in various forms.  Some prefer to practice yoga in their homes, others in a gym setting, while still others in the comfort of a studio specially set up for the yoga experience.  They wax poetically about the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual benefits of what they refer to as a relaxing experience.  In short, they can't imagine not having yoga a part of their lives.

I on the other hand, for the life of me, can't figure out what all the hype is about.  Years ago I tried a yoga class and just didn't get all that into it.  Maybe it was me, maybe it was the type of yoga in that particular class, or maybe it was that particular instructor but for whatever reason, I just didn't enjoy that yoga experience.  But, in the interest of broadening my horizons and giving yoga a second chance, I decided to take a yoga class at my gym today.

I had a slight reservation when I walked in and noticed that everyone had their own personal yoga mats from home.  I had assumed that since this was a free, regularly scheduled class at my gym open to all members that they would be prepared for random gym members such as myself dropping in for a class who might not have their own, personal yoga equipment but apparently not.  Thankfully the instructor had a couple of extra mats and she let me borrow one.  Then the lights were turned down and soft music was turned on as the class got started.  Not so bad I was thinking...for a very short amount of time.

When I go to the gym, it's to get a work out in and feel the benefit of my work. Usually I do some form of cardio and I've recently started adding in light weight machines as well to better round out my work outs.  No offense to yoga lovers, but I was bored silly.  As in, I spent the entire class watching the clock waiting for class to be over, thinking of things I needed to do later on today, and wondering what the benefit of the class was.  Don't get me wrong, a treadmill can bore me too but at least with a treadmill I can watch the TVs mounted on the walls of the gym, read a book or magazine, and listen to up-beat music to keep me going which is really not anything you can do in a yoga class!

And, as a note to yoga instructors everywhere, when someone walks into your class and lets you know before the class has even started that they're totally new to the style of class you're offering (as in someone like me who knows absolutely NOTHING about yoga), please, please, please don't assume that they'll know the names of the moves you're doing.  Especially if you have them move from a position where they're looking down at the ground to something else.  At least with a step class I can follow along those around me but if my forehead is on the mat below me it's a bit hard to look around at what everyone else is doing so I can follow along!

When you thought I wasn't looking

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be. 

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

Returning to the scene of the layoff

This morning I had the first step in the interview process for a job at a major university located in Chicago.  To be more exact, I had just over four hours of computer skills testing this morning which has lead to an interview this coming Monday morning at 10 am.  It went well, really well in fact.  A few questions threw me a bit of a curve ball but overall I'm confident that what they threw my way was information I know.

The kicker was that my most recent job, the one that laid me off a couple months ago that resulted in me experiencing this oh so wondrous job search, rents office space from the aforementioned university.  In fact, the Human Resources department of this amazing university is located in the graduate school building exactly one floor above where I used to work.  Yes, you read that correctly, I got to go for this stage of the interview process and sit literally one floor above where I used to work.  Can we say awkward?!?!

I debated all morning...do I make a point to stop by and say hello or do I just cross my fingers and hope that I don't run into anyone I know in the elevator?  In the end I decided to be the better person and I did stop by after my computer testing was done.  And, ultimately, I'm glad I did.  I got to say hi to those I wanted to see and showed that I can wish them well despite being laid off from my employment there through no fault of my own.

Of course it did help that my hair and outfit were cooperating and that I was looking rather amazing if I do say so myself.  :)

Job Search Frustration

At the end of this week I'll have been unemployed for two full months.  Two full months of not working.  Two full months of not collecting a paycheck.  Two full months of having to pay for COBRA medical benefits.  Two full months.

I know that in the grand scheme of things, two months isn't that much.  Compared to other people's job searches, two months isn't that much.  But really, two months is way too much in my personal opinion.

As a woman in her mid-30s who has worked since she was a freshman in high school, I don't like the thought of not working.  As a woman who has a mortgage to pay, I don't like the reality of not working.  As I single woman looking to find a guy, I dread the inevitable question of "what do you do for a living" and having to answer that at this point in time I'm not working.

And, no matter how well intentioned they are, having your friends and family always asking how the job search is coming along you every time you see them is very frustrating.  I know they mean well and are just showing an interest in what's going on in my life but, believe you me, the moment I find a new job everyone I know will be alerted via text, phone, email, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

I promise I'll be the first to alert everyone of the impending exciting news but until then it's not only frustrating but also discouraging to have to continue to say that despite a number of great interviews I still haven't received an offer of employment.  Despite doing everything I can think of from applying to a number of jobs each day to writing handwritten thank you notes after each interview to dressing professionally to keeping my nails manicured and looking nice the reality is that I just haven't gotten an offer yet.

Two full months.  Not really that long but also an eternity!

The Passing of Common Sense

A friend of mine posted this to Facebook today and it made me chuckle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:


- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- And maybe it was my fault.


Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies, don't spend more than you can earn and adults, not children, are in charge. His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.


Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.


Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.


Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.


Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, I'm A Victim.


Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Unseen, unheard, but always near

Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us everyday.

Unseen, unheard, but always near, so loved, so missed, so very dear.

Job Fairs

In my quest for a new job I've been pursuing every possible opportunity including the job fair I attended today at the Community Center in the town I grew up in which is a near suburb of Chicago.

In case you haven't been to one before, job fairs can be a great place to people watch.  It's amazing the variety of people who come out to these events and I really wonder sometimes if some of these people have any idea of the first impression they're making both on others of us there as well as on those companies there to possibly hire attendees.

Today's job fair was a bit frustrating though.  As a college graduate with 13+ years of professional experience who was dressed in a suit so as to make a good impression on those companies hiring, I was a bit dismayed at the impression that those companies were making on me.  Many companies decided to not even show up which left for almost a third of the tables in the job fair empty.  In addition, many of those who were there simply referred people back to their websites to apply online.

Grant it, I understand the importance of applying online, on the other hand, I didn't come out dressed in a suit and high heel shoes just to be told to do what I could have done at home on my couch in comfy clothes!

September 11th Tenth Anniversary

It's been inspiring to see what everyone has posted on FaceBook and spoken about in church and on the radio in relation to today being the tenth anniversary of the September 11th tragedy.


Earlier today though one of my Facebook friends made the comment "Is it unpatriotic that I am really tired of getting choked up at the 9/11 coverage?" and one of her friends responded that "It's called emotional overload. Take a break."


That really got me thinking though...how much is too much and at what point does it become overload?  I agree that it's patriotic to remember those who innocently lost their lives as well as those brave first responders who acted so courageously in the face of danger.  But at the same time, at what point is it acceptable to start looking towards the future instead of just remembering the past?


It's common to hear "Do you remember where you were and what you were doing when XX happened?"  The assassination of JFK, the bombing of Pearl Harbor, and man's first steps on the moon occurred before I was born however I was in elementary school when the Challenger shuttle exploded.  While I actively remember that event, I was young enough to have a certain childish ignorance and was able to look forward easier.


I'd be curious to hear how the general public responded in the decade(s) after Pearl Harbor.  That was another attack on American soil where many lost their lives that resulted in the US entering a state of war.  Was it different then because it resulted in the US entering World War II instead of the current US lead war on terror?  Is it different with September 11th because it was an attack on two office buildings instead of an attack on a military base?


I don't think there is any one right way to look at this situation and it'll be different for everyone.  We should always look back with reverence on those events that have helped shape where we are today but we should also look forward to what tomorrow may bring.

The age of the matter

To get to the heart of the matter is, in my opinion, also to get to the age of the matter.

Earlier today my mom, aunt, and grandma were asking if I've ever tried online dating.  One of my aunt's first questions was is regards to what age range I have listed in my profile as far as men I'd be willing to date.  My rule of thumb has always been that I prefer guys who are at least my age and not younger but that I have no upper age limit.  My thought being that I'd hate to cut off at say age 45 in case a great guy who happens to be 46 might be right around the corner.

My aunt thought I was a little loopy and that I should be going for younger guys instead.  At 34 I'm hesitant to go for younger guys mainly because most of my friends are between five and ten plus years older than I am so one fear I have is that a younger guy might not be able to relate with my friends who are that much older than he is.

Should age really make a difference?  And if it shouldn't matter, are there guys in their late 20s and early 30s interested in a woman in her mid-30s who has friends in their late 30s to mid-40s?

Happy wireless moment

So I've finally entered the 21st century and gone wireless at home.

When I first moved into my condo eight and a half years ago I was truly old school and used dial-up through a land line.  A few years ago, I finally up-graded to DSL for my internet connection still through that same land line.  And now, courtesy of a router from Target, I am officially wireless via that DSL connection.  Still a bit old school but at least early 21st century old school instead of late 20th century old school!

And the funny part is that, despite using the same land line all these years for my internet connection, since I use my cell phone for everything phone wise I couldn't even tell you my home phone number since I never use it other than for my internet connection!

Can you hear me now?

We've all seen the cell phone commercials where the guy says "Can you hear me now?"  For some of us that is a more regular reality though.

For several years now I've struggled with hearing in large groups, especially in noisy environments.  Many times, I've missed a phone call or a text coming in because I didn't hear my cell phone even if it's in the same room as me.  I'm often the woman who stands in group settings smiling and nodding while having no clue on half of what's going on around me because I struggle to hear what's being said.  What I do catch is only a portion of what's being said leaving me to piece together what I think I'm hearing and what is actually being said.  This requires a lot of effort and concentration to filter out other conversations and general background noise that it's often just easier to do the smile and nod approach and not tax myself so much to hear what's going on.  Therefore I feel left out a lot as it's hard to contribute to a conversation when you have no clue what's going on!

These last few months my ears, more specifically my right ear has gotten worse which prompted my primary care doctor to send me to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor who I went to see yesterday.  After sticking a camera up my nose and doing a CT Scan of my sinuses he decided to perform a basic hearing test.  My left ear came back within the normal range but my right ear was below normal which prompted him to send me to an audiologist.  Thankfully they had a cancellation for today so I was able to get right in this morning (yea!).

After a battery of more in depth tests, the audiologist determined that yes my right ear appears to have neurological damage causing me to have mild hearing loss in my right ear.  The anticipated next step is an MRI and then possibly a hearing aid in my right ear.

A part of me isn't looking forward to having to wear a hearing aid for the rest of my life but on the flip side, it would be SO nice to actually be able to hear normally and not have to strain to hear anything and everything!

Man-up already!

In my last post I mentioned that there are a couple of guys who have had potential dating wise.  Most recently there have actually be three.

First there's the pilot who is great looking and fun to talk to.  We met online and have thus far only talked with, in theory at least, plans to meet in person one of these days.  This is the guy who swore that he has lay-overs in Chicago on a regular basis so we'd get to spend some time together face to face but who (of course) hasn't had a single one that wasn't a quick touch-down and take-off since we've gotten to talking on a semi-regular basis.  I mean, heck I live close enough to O'Hare that picking him up for a quick coffee at the Starbucks a few blocks from O'Hare before taking him back to the airport ahead of his next flight out would be easy enough!  This is the guy who I've recently found out gave me his middle name instead of his first name and a shortened version of his last name.  Hello...I have his phone number and all it took was a quick Google search with that number to get who the number is registered to!  In a nutshell, this is the guy who is sending up so many red flags that I know I should walk, no run, away fast!

Then there's the guy I was supposed to get together with the weekend of the 20th.  Due to his allergies acting up he had to cancel.  As someone else with allergies, I certainly understand and respect that.  We were in touch all last week and then were supposed to get together this past Saturday for first date round two.  I was totally flexible on where we could meet and what we might do but, yep, you guessed it, I didn't hear from him at all with firm plans.  Really?!?!  Fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice and shame on me.  Needless to say this guy won't be getting a third chance at a first date since this weekend he didn't even have the courtesy of giving me an excuse on why he was blowing me off.

And then there's the last guy.  This is the guy who I went out with a couple of times at the beginning of the year.  The guy who seemed very interested and was making an effort.  The guy who then just dropped off the face of the earth.  He then decided to reappear in late June claiming that life had gotten hectic (which I all of all people completely understand) but he went on to say that July was going to be so much calmer from his end and that he was looking forward to making plans with me during July.  And I can count on ZERO hands how may times I've heard from him since.  Apparently July was so much calmer that he found many other things to occupy his time with!

If you decide that you're just not that into me that's fine but man-up and just say so.  As long as it's said politely then I can put on my big-girl panties and take it like a woman.  Really...I can.

I applaud the couple of men who have had the guts to be straight-forward and honest with me that, while it was a nice dinner / coffee / lunch / drinks / whatever, it just isn't going to go anywhere else.  In one case, I was thinking the exact same thing and in the other, while I would have liked to take things to a second date, I appreciated knowing from him where he stood then being left to presume.  And I can assure you that my presumptions would have also included some less than stellar descriptions of him as well for leaving me to presume.

Are you seeing anyone?

I know this is a common question that people ask as they're getting to know you or if they haven't seen you in a while.  It's a question that I've been guilty of asking myself on more than one occasion however lately this question has started to annoy me.  It really shouldn't annoy me as it is a logical conversation topic but it does.

Having to always respond that no, I'm not currently dating anyone or that there's nobody serious in my life dating wise or having to go into the adventures of mis-haps as I try the online dating world have left me dreading the inevitable turn towards this particular conversation.

I'd love to be able to say that yes, there's this amazing guy in my life who is sweeping me off my feet in his own special way.  I'm not asking for Mr. Perfect or Prince Charming...simply a nice, normal guy who doesn't blow me off when we make plans, who isn't out for "only one thing" at some random hour of the (very late) night or who doesn't call back once we've made plans or had a first date.

With all the rumors of "nice guys finishing last" I would think that there are a number of nice normal guys out there who might like to be chosen first!  Is that really so much to ask?

If what my friends have to say is accurate, I'm a nice, normal, self-sufficient, fun woman to spend time with.  I've traveled the world, have a great group of friends, and don't presume that I'd be the only thing in said guy's life.  As an independent woman in my own right, I wouldn't expect the guy to have to make me the only thing in his life and would anticipate that we be able to spend time together as well as apart while still being a couple.

So am I seeing someone?  Nope...there have been a couple of guys lately with potential but that's another post for another time.

Beloit College Mindset List

Every year, since 1998, Beloit College releases what they call the Mindset List which provides a cultural touchstone on the things that have shaped the lives of students entering college this fall.  It was originally created as a reminder to faculty to be aware of the dated references however it has come a catalog of the rapidly changing worldview of each new generation.

After having spent the last week living on a college campus in a sorority house as the interim house mom, I thought that it was especially appropriate that this list was released today, on the day I'm scheduled to go home.

The girls in the sorority house I've been staying at this week have been amazing.  They've thanked me for helping them out and recognized that I'm here to work with them and not against the as the authority figure in the house this week.  That gives me hope for the future that there are great kids coming through college now who have potential!

Enjoy this year's list which can be found at http://www.beloit.edu/mindset/2015/!

Home

Home is....

• ...where the heart is.
• ...not where you live, but where they understand you.
• ...a place you grow up wanting to leave, and where you grow old wanting to get back to.
• ...sweet home Chicago.

• ...lonely when you are a single person who goes home to an empty home every night.
• ...a lot of work to maintain when you own it on your own.
• ...where I thought I'd be living with a husband by the age I am now.
• ...still only a condo instead of the house I hoped I'd have by my age.

More men in blue

Just when I reached what I thought was my limit of what I could handle as the interim house mom I was proven wrong.  After visits from six members of the local police department over the last few days, this morning started off with a visit from three local firemen.

Significant storms rolled through town this morning completely flooding the street outside the sorority house from sidewalk to sidewalk and as deep in the middle as to be at the bottom edge of the car doors threatening to flow into any car whose driver opened the car door.  The storm was so severe and so quick that it also knocked out the power to our chapter house for a very brief moment of time however that was all it took to set off our fire and security alarm systems.

In case you're not aware, when a fire alarm goes off in university and Greek system housing, the fire department is automatically called and sent out.  Even if you use the system's override key to shut the system off, the fire department still shows up.  Unlike a residential home where you can take the battery out to shut off the alarm, you need to do a bit more when dealing with housing for larger numbers of college students.  And for good reason too.  We want to keep the residents of these facilities safe and secure.

That being said, it's nerve racking to know what lies in store and that there's nothing you can do to change the impending visit from yet more of the town's public servants.  Since arriving Tuesday evening, I've gotten to meet six local police and three local firemen for assorted alarms going off that were totally out of my control.  They've all been very nice however I really wasn't planning to become so familiar with the local emergency departments during my week out here!

Revisiting college life continued....

I'm starting to debate my sanity at agreeing to take on this interim house director role!  Since I arrived here just a few short days ago, I've gotten to deal with the following:

• An internet system that flat out didn't work when I got here and the house corporation board president telling me there was no internet connection provided.  Not so good for a sorority house full of girls raised in the technology age who legitimately depend on having internet access at their finger tips.  Given that they start classes on Monday and may need to pull up class schedules and information, this access is key!  Given that I have my own things to be doing, selfishly I also want access as well!
• Phone system issues causing complete rewiring of certain areas and uncertainty on the availability of voicemail / possible continued static on the line.
• Deck repair just outside the main door that everyone uses requiring members to use alternative doorways that are normally alarm activated after a certain time.
• The alarm system going off twice in the last 48 hours.  Wednesday night's visit prompted a visit by two of the town's finest police officers whereas tonight I got to greet four of these wonderful men in blue.  While I appreciate that they're just doing their job and I'd want them here this quickly if this was a real emergency, I wasn't planning on getting to visit with six police officers in such a short amount of time!
• Multiple bee hives discovered on the aforementioned deck.  Not such a good thing when the interim house director (i.e. me) is severely allergic to bee stings (to the tune that I carry an Epi-Pen in case I ever get stung).
• Assorted plumbing issues due to reopening a sorority house after a summer of it being closed.
• Reminding the girls that I'm not their mother and that it's not my job to do their dishes after their late night snacks.

Here I thought I'd just house-sit while the full-time house director was out of town for the week.  I didn't anticipate this being so hands on at all hours of he day and night!  Why did I agree to do this?!?!

Revisiting college life

This week I've picked up a temp job as the interim house director for my sorority's chapter at a local university.  The newly hired house mom had a prior commitment this week so I was asked, as a temporarily unemployed active alumna volunteer who lives within driving distance of the chapter, if I could fill in for the house mom during this week.  And being the sucker that I am I agreed to do so.  This involves living 24/7 in a sorority house full of college girls.  As someone who has been out of college for thirteen years, what was I thinking?!?!

Don't get me wrong, the sorority members in this house (sophomores through seniors right now since we haven't recruited this year's freshman yet) are being great.  They listen to what I have to say and are very respectful of me and of the fact that I'm here to help out their chapter and new house mom for the week.

But still, life is at a different stage for the 19 to 22-year-old college student than it is for me as the 34-year-old alumna who normally lives in a condo and not a sorority house.  This week they, along with other members of Greek Row, can handle going out until all hours of the night (okay early morning if we're really honest) whereas I'm thinking about bed by about 11 pm or midnight on a normal weeknight.

I'm a night owl by nature so midnight isn't what I'd consider too late however even I have my limits.  While asleep last night, I heard a party get broken up by the local cops at either one of the fraternity houses or apartment buildings up the street at around 3 am this morning.  And I'm guessing that it's safe to assume that those attending said party likely just moved the party elsewhere.

I'm sure when I was in college I had a few super late nights myself but I have a lot more respect now for those who live in college towns and for those who work in higher education such as sorority / fraternity house directors and residence hall directors who literally live in this environment day-to-day!

Blossoms of the Heart

"Blossoms are scattered by the wind

and the wind cares nothing,

but the blossoms of the heart

no wind can touch."

~~ Yoshida Kenko ~~

Online Dating

The world of online dating has definitely expanded the options available for those of us single and looking for someone to get date.

I know of several couples who have had success in online dating.  Two of my friends met through eHarmony, got married several years ago and are a great couple!  My sister met her boyfriend of nearly a year online and he seems like a great guy and a good fit for her.

On the flip side, there are more stories than I'd care to share about the craziness of online dating.  Suffice it to say, there is someone for everyone and, based on some of the guys I've heard from via online dating sites, there is definitely quite a variety to pull from.  And not all of it is on the lines of what I personally am looking for although I'm sure there is a woman out there who'll fit the bill for what they're looking for!

It amazes me the approach some guys (and to be fair, I'm sure an equal number of women) take.  On the one hand, I appreciate that some guys are upfront, honest, and direct about what they want even if it is a complete 180 degrees apart from what I'm looking for.  There's something to be said for knowing exactly where you stand and what the other person is actually looking for from the get-go.

On the other hand, some of these guys really cross the line of what's appropriate to say when you're first getting to know someone.  Some of the initial messages I've gotten from guys are so inappropriate that it amazes me that a) they actually think that approach will work and b) that some women actually fall for that approach!  There's something to be said for allowing for a bit of mystery and allowing yourself the chance to get to know someone first before laying all your cards on the table.

At dinner the other night, a friend of mine and I were talking about the various online dating sites available and which ones are "better" than others.  In my experience, there is a wide mix of people on all of the available sites but there are definitely some that have more of those more forward / direct guys than other sites.

Part of me wishes though that online sites were available specifically by what you're looking for.  For example site A would be for those who just want casual dating, site B would be for those who want committed relationships but who aren't necessarily looking to get married, and site C would be for those who are looking to get married.  Then you'd know that, depending on which site you went to, everyone else there would be looking, in theory at least, for the same thing you're looking for.

Or maybe I just need a fairy godmother who'll wave her magic wand and send prince charming my way!

Live a life of purpose

While this seems like such an easy concept, in reality, so often life get's in the way. As such, I feel that it bears repeating on a regular basis.

‎"Live a life of purpose."

~~ Clara Bradley Burdette ~~

~~ Alpha Phi Founder ~~

Quote on Friendship

“Friendship improves happiness and abates misery by doubling our joys and dividing our grief.”

~~ Joseph Addison ~~

Farm Life

My paternal grandparents were dairy, soybean and feed corn farmers.  They, like all farmers I know, were hardworking and dedicated to their family.  As such, the annual family reunions for their respective families were always attended.

Yesterday afternoon was one of these family reunions for my grandmother's side of the family and it reminded me of how relaxing it can be for me, the city girl, to go down and spend time among the cornfields.  Don't get me wrong, I know that farm life can be hard and that it takes a lot of sweat and dedication to be a farmer.  But still, for me personally, I always enjoy the time I get to spend with my extended family in north central, rural Illinois.  I get to a certain point on my drive down and always breath a sigh of relaxation as I know that I'm in for a great block of time away from the craziness of the city! 

Childless by choice?

As a single woman in my mid-thirties, I have, to this point, chosen to be childless.  If I am fortunate enough to meet Mr. Right and get married, I'm not sure that at that point I'd want to have kids.  Certainly I'm open to having step-children if Mr. Right already has children but I don't know that I am that eager to get a jump-start on popping out a kid or two of my own.

And that is conflicting as a woman.  We, as women, are supposed to want children.  My sister is one of those women who has always said that she wants a ton of kids.  One of my childhood friends wanted nothing more than to get married and have a bunch of kids.  She's now a loving mother of four kids and loves (almost) every minute of being a mom.

Don't get me wrong, I love children and am fortunate to have many amazing kids in my life.  Between my niece and nephew, my godson and his sister, as well as the children of my friends (including my best friend's three kids who call me "Aunt") I get to have plenty of kiddy time.  Sometimes that even amounts to more kiddy time then I'd like when certain friends choose to bring their children to places they're not invited to!

That being said, my biological clock hans't started ticking and I don't have that feeling of not being able to wait to have kids of my own.  And that fact seems to baffle people at best and downright upset other people.  Like I said earlier, I love children, I'm just someone who feels no pull to have kids of her own.  And that bothers me a bit.  Am I missing something?  Should I want to have children?

In my 20s, people told me that I'd feel different when I was older but now, in my mid-30s, I can't say that I feel any different.  I've been told that I'll feel different when I meet Mr. Right and that I'll want kids with him to further our bond.  Sorry, but if I don't already have a strong bond with Mr. Right then why would I want to add kids to that mix?!?!  And if we have a strong bond already, will kids really make that bond even stronger?  I've been told that kids will "complete me" -- sorry again but I lead a pretty complete life now and kids will only curtail the life I'm currently leading!

Yes, I know kids would add a whole new element to my life that I can "only imagine".  Yes, I know that kids can be amazing and that it's "totally different" when they're your own.  But I worry...since I don't have that passion for having children that my sister and childhood friend have...would I even make a good mother?  While I love the fun moments with the kids in my life, would I be able to survive the not so fun moments that are a part of life with children?  Is it really just a matter of finding Mr. Right and knowing that with him we'd be able to do a great job together raising a family?

When my sister-in-law was pregnant with my niece (her first child), I told her that, as a non-parent, I wouldn't give her parenting advise but that I would spoil her child (now children) rotten.  And that has worked out great for us.  I get to spoil my niece and nephew rotten as well as enjoy spending time with them before sending them home while my sister-in-law is guaranteed to not have one more person trying to tell her how to raise her kids.

Why mess with a good thing?  Or, would having children of my own, actually make a good thing even better?  Am I childless by choice or has that "choice" just been an excuse to this point?

The Waiting Game Professional Style

As I'm searching for a new job it seems like I play the waiting game a lot.  I know that patience is a virtue but when you're recently unemployed, patience isn't necessarily the skill you want to get practice developing!

Once I apply for positions online I then get to wait and hope that my application isn't in some cyber "black hole".  Yes, may corporations will send an auto-response from an unmonitored e-mail address stating something to the effect of "Thank you for your interest in our company.  Your application has been received and is being reviewed.  We'll be in touch."  Great....a generic e-mail address knows that I'm interested but will a real, live person actually review this and be in touch?

My favorite companies are those who actually respond with some sort of indication either way from an actual person.  Even if it is a canned response thanking me for my interest but letting me know that they've "decided to proceed with someone who better aligns with their criteria", at least I know where I stand in the process.  I'd rather know I'm no longer in the running in a timely fashion than think I actually stand a chance!

I know that something will eventually come my way and that, in the long run, my patience will be worth it but in the meantime, I'd rather not have to wait and wait and wait!

Group Conversation Dynamics

It's always entertaining for me when I meet a new couple in a group setting.  In many cases the men gravitate towards one conversation while the women cluster together for a different conversation.

As a single woman the expectation is that I'll chat with the women in a group setting.  Often times that's a fun thing to do.  But there are other times when I'm surrounded by a group full of women who are all married and / or mothers.  In those cases, at some point the conversation often turns to married life and the various antics of their children / husband.  In some cases it's both their children AND husbands with the same antics!  Since these are topics I have nothing in common with I often "space out" rather quickly on these conversations, especially when they drag on and on.  No offense to the mothers I know but the reality is that I couldn't care less about your children's potty training habits.  :)

Many times, once these assorted potty training and other such related stories have gone on for a while, I'll eventually gravitate towards the men's conversation that is often about sports and work related topics that I can actually relate to.  When this happens it's almost inevitable that the woman of the aforementioned couple I've just met will start shooting daggers in my direction with her eyes.

There's something about a single woman in a group that sparks a defensive manner around many married women.  In my experience, married women who meet a single women for the first time automatically assume that, at some point, we're looking to "steal their man".  And inevitably one of the first women to get defensive is the woman whose husband I wouldn't be attracted to in a million years even if he was single and eligible for me to go after!

Ladies...please don't get offended if the single women you know would rather talk with the men instead of the women.  Most of the time it has nothing to do with the actual men in the group and is instead due to the topics of conversation at hand.  Instead of getting upset with the lone single woman standing talking sports or work with the guys, consider having a conversation with her about something other than your husband's quirky habits or your children's adorable talent show!

Just a babysitter?

One thing that amazes me is when I won't hear from friends for a while and then suddenly when they need a babysitter I'm first in line for that call.

Don't get me wrong, I love the children in my life thanks to my friends and family who have kids but really, sometimes I'd like to hear from said friends and family on adult related topics instead of just to see if I'm free to help care for their kids.  And, shocker here, sometimes I'd like to even spend time with said adults to catch up instead of just having their adorable kids be the focus of the day.

Certainly kid time is a great thing that I enjoy very much but the reality is that I'm friends with the adults first and not the kids so I would, occasionally, like to spend time with those adults focused on adult conversations.

Lightening, Lightening go away...

...don't come back another day!

When I was in college, a childhood friend of mine was struck by lightening and killed while reffing a Park District youth soccer game.  Ever since then, I could really do without major thunder and lightening storms such as what we've had this past week.  Storms like what we've been experiencing keep me up at night and are cause for tension and frustration.

Considering how badly we've needed rain lately though I really don't mind the recent rains and my flowers and grass certainly appreciate the water!  It's really just the deep, ground-trembling thunder and lightening that I could do without.  Of course I'd also prefer that the rain be more in the realm of slow and steady downfall instead of quick and sudden downpours that leave us with flash flood warnings but beggars can't be choosers I suppose!

This, I suppose, is a case where the grass really will be greener on the other side of these storms however I wish there was a more pleasant way to get there!

Birthdays

While my birthday is still a half a year away, I came across this quote on a blog that I follow and it sums up my thoughts on birthdays perfectly!

Birthdays need to be celebrated. I think it is more important to celebrate a birthday than a successful exam, a promotion, or a victory. Because to celebrate a birthday means to say to someone, 'Thank you for being you.' On a birthday, we do not say, 'Thanks for what you did, or said, or accomplished.' No, we say: 'Thank you for being born and being among us.'

 

~ Henri Nouwen, Here and Now

Appearances can be deceiving

Those who appear to be really strong,

really are the most sensitive.

Those who spend all their time protecting others,

sometimes really need someone to protect them.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

Happy 60th Birthday!

Happy 60th Birthday to my Dad today!  We enjoyed a day at Arlington Park Racetrack with close family enjoying lunch and the races.

I also got to enjoy time with my three-year-old niece and one-year-old nephew who are always a blast!  It also made me appreciate that I can spoil my them rotten, love spending time with them. and then send them home.  They're two amazing kids who I totally enjoy being with but when they, like all children, hit their limits, it's nice that their mom and dad (my brother and sister-in-law) are there to take care of that part.  :)

Missing Those Chicago Winters

Often I get grief for the fact that I actually LIKE Chicago winters.  Throw on a few extra layers and you're good to go is my motto.  Days like we've had this week with the actual temps nearing 100 degrees and the heat index well exceeding 100 degrees makes me especially appreciate those colder winter days as well as my working air conditioning!  That the thermostat in my car read approx. 90 degrees at 8:30 pm tonight seems especially wrong!

While I think that San Diego has the ideal, year-round weather, I suppose it is weather like what we're having now that especially makes me appreciate the colder weather that we in Chicago get to experience a better part of the year.

Now if only we could feel those winds that Chicago is known for start to blow we might just have a chance at a bit of a break!

An airport and an oil well

Flying into Oklahoma City on Friday I was reminded of the fact that they have oil wells on / adjacent to the Will Rogers World Airport.  When I first visited Oklahoma City two years ago this totally threw me for a loop.  As a Chicago native who grew up under the landing patterns of Chicago's O'Hare International Airport, I'm fairly well versed in the uniqueness that can be an airport.  For example did you know that O'Hare's three letter code is ORD because it was built on a former orchard?  Did you also know that there is (for the time being at least) a cemetery on the official grounds of O'Hare?

Needless to say I should be used to out of the ordinary things on / next to the grounds of an airport.  That being said, I can't say that I'm all too used to seeing oil wells in general so that one did keep me on my toes a bit.

In talking to my shuttle driver a couple years ago, he mentioned that he often gets comments from out-of-towners about these and sometimes he even gets asked to pull over so tourists can get their pictures taken with the oil wells in the back-ground.  While I didn't go that far either that time or this one, I did get a picture from the shuttle this evening as we returned to the airport as this is something that still makes me smile.

Yea I am "that" city girl who is intrigued by an oil well next to the airport!

It's the perspective of the matter

It's been a fun weekend in the great state of Oklahoma however I now feel that I can't complain (as much) about the hot weather in Chicago.

The conference I'm attending this weekend did an optional two mile walk as a part of our programming at 6:45 am this morning.  Since I knew I'd be sitting a better part of the rest of the day I opted to participate as it also gave me a chance to see a bit more of the University of Oklahoma where the conference is at.  Initially I thought that stepping off at such an early start time was crazy.  That mindset changed quickly though as the day went on and made my very appreciative of those Oklahoma winds that came sweepin' down the plains towards the end of our walk!

By mid-day it was well over 100 degrees here with a heat index of around 113 degrees and I had to chuckle at the voicemail message from a friend at home wanting to know if I wanted to hit the pool with her since it was approaching 90 degrees at home.  In my voicemail message back to her, after regretfully declining her invitation, I had to mention that I wish it was "only" 90 degrees here!  Grant it, it's a bit of a dryer heat here but 100+ degrees is still hot no matter how much less humidity you have here!

Life as a Bad Country Song

Today especially my life feels like one bad country song.  If I were to write said song it would start off something like this....

Lost my job...cell phone died...car died...computer died.

Do I really want to know what's next?



We've all heard that things happen in threes so after my job was downsized and my cell phone died and then my car died I was hopefully optimistic that that was the last of my major "events" for a while.  I must have jinxed myself because I no sooner said that then my computer fully died out mid-job search.

My hope is that I'm hitting my figurative "rock bottom" and that I can only go upwards from here.  My hope is that this will serve as a reminder that we aren't always in control and that oftentimes we need to accept what comes our way and overcome the challenges put in our path.  My hope is that I'm not starting a second set of "threes" with two more events to still have happen!

Today

I am today what yesterday has made me; tomorrow I shall be changed by today's experiences.

 

~~ Author Unknown ~~

Love is...

Love is...

...better late than never.

Many (many) years ago, an ex-boyfriend of mine found this quote in a one cell comic that he sent to me.  It was included in a Christmas card that (if memory serves me right) he dropped off on Christmas morning while I was home from college that winter on break a few months before we actually started dating.  We had been friends since the seventh grade but didn't start dating until just after sophmore year of college ended and, while after four years together the relationship with him didn't work out, over time we've returned to the friends that we started out as.

I've kept this little one and a half inch by three inch square framed on my desk as I know that, eventually, love will find me and it really will be better late than never.

The layoff....

...occurred today.

While I've known for the better part of the last year that, in the event that my company needed to downsize, my position would likely be the first to go admittingly I was starting to gather hope that things were looking up and that this possibility wouldn't become a reality.  Sadly I was wrong.

My (now former) company is being relatively generous.  They've offered to pay me along with providing benefits through this month.  My accrued vacation time will be paid out in addition to this time.  I'll be eligible for unemployment starting August 1st after my last "official day" with the company.  My boss thanked me prior to leaving today for being so gracious about being laid off.  All in all, I am lucky that, despite being laid off, I was able to leave on a positive note with my head held high and a reference in both my boss as well as the executive chairman of the board.

That being said I would prefer to have a job.  I know that this is a sign of the times and that many people are in the same situation for similar reasons.  I also know that, with my experience and given time, I'll find a new job.  I'm fortunate to have a safety net both in my savings account and among my family and friends to catch me.

But still...I would prefer to have a job.  As a single woman with a mortgage to pay, the concept of being unemployed is a less than stellar prospect.  As a single woman who doesn't have the income and medical benefits of a spouse or boyfriend to rely on I know that it's all on me to find something new, preferably sooner rather than later.  As a single woman trying to date, I know that being unemployed isn't exactly the most attractive feature.

I need to remember that I'm a strong woman who will overcome this layoff and will be better off in the long run.  I need to remember that everything happens for a reason and that, while uncertain now, I'll look back and realize that this may be the best thing that could have happened.

Can men and women be "just friends"?

In the movie When Harry Met Sally, there is an entire conversation between Harry and Sally about how "men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way."

While I've thought about this often and wondered if that's true, it really hit home for me this evening.  After spending an amazing Saturday (July 2nd) with a group of friends on Lake Michigan on one of our friend's boat and then grilling out at the marina, the group dwindled down to three couples plus me and one of my guy friends who I've known for upwards of ten years.

This is a guy who I've traveled with a couple of times (both times with a few other people) as well as seen on a regular basis over the course of these years.  Yet we've never dated, expressed interest in each other or done anything that could possibly muddle the territory of pure friendship.  But in my ever single state and as more and more of my friends are settling down I've really started taking a look at my guy friends and wondering why they and I haven't ever tried making a relationship work as more than "just friends".

Is it that I'm not attracted to them?  Are they not attracted to me?  Is it that, by some unspoken agreement, we don't want to risk our friendship by adding an attraction to the mix?  Or, as that aforementioned conversation between Harry and Sally goes on to say, is an attraction already there in one way, shape or form just waiting for us to realize this and act upon it?

27 Dresses in Real Life

For those who haven't seen the movie 27 Dresses starring Katherine Heigl you're missing out on a classic chic flick.  The movie's website (http://www.27dressesthemovie.com/) provides a great synopsis to bring those that haven't seen this movie up to speed:

27 Dresses centers on Jane (Heigl), an idealistic, romantic and completely selfless woman...a perennial bridal attendant whose own happy ending is nowhere in sight.  But when younger sister Tess captures the heart of Jane's boss -- with whom Jane is secretly in love -- Jane begins to reexamine her "always-a-bridesmaid" lifestyle.

The running comment among my friends for a number of years was how art (in this case the movie 27 Dresses) imitated life (in this case my own life).  I, like the character Jane, am the perennial bridal attendant whose own happy ending is nowhere in sight.

Several years ago, I had a three-year period that saw me at twenty-one weddings.  Yes you read that correctly, twenty-one (21!!!!) weddings over three years.  That broke down to eight weddings the first year, six the following, and seven the third year.  And that's not even including the one or two weddings I attended every year in the years prior to / after this specific three year period.  It got to the point that I took on a part-time job (in addition to my full-time one) at a leading kitchen-ware store at the local mall both to help pay for these weddings as well as to get a discount on all of the gifts that I was purchasing for said weddings!

This morning's edition of Chicago's Red Eye newspaper had an article titled "Bridesmaid backlash" on how everything from dresses to gifts to airline tickets adds up.  My initial thought, after all of the aforementioned weddings, was DUH!  I know that the costs incurred by bridesmaids is a mere blip in the grand scheme of the overall wedding budget but, for those of us not front and center in the white dress, those costs may stretch what, for many, is an already tight budget given the current economy.  And the kicker is that most brides I know (with few exceptions) are aware of these costs and try to be mindful of what they're asking of their friends but it still adds up quick.  A few of my truly favorite brides included the following:

• A good friend whose wedding I was maid-of-honor in wins the all-time amazing bride award.  Since she was having her two brothers as her other attendants, she picked out a formal dress I already owned.  Her brothers then got ties that matched my dress that they wore with suits they already owned.  Not only was it a comfortable dress I liked, it also went well with the colors she was considering and was a huge cost-saver for me and her brothers.  YEA!
• When my cousin got married a few years ago, she had three of us as her attendants and just asked that we all wear a black dress.  How perfect...we all got to select a style that we were comfortable in and that flattered each of our (very different) bodies and styles.  Plus a classic black dress is always one that you can (and we all did) wear again.
• Another friend of mine (while a bridezilla in other areas) also did a fabulous job in selecting her dresses which had the potential to be difficult given that the seven of us in her bridal party had such drastically different body types.  Instead of going the traditional one dress for everyone route, she selected a two-piece dress that had the same skirt for everyone and then different style tops for each of us.  She picked out a group of tops that we got to choose from and she was very mindful of who was in her wedding and did a great job of picking out ones with each of us in mind.  We got to feel as if we had a bit of say in what we wore that ensured that we were comfortable and happy with the dress we'd be in all day while still staying within her vision for her big day.

Of course all of these weddings haven't always been the icing on the cake.  Like all big events, many have been fraught with stories that we still talk about.  Who could forget when I broke a couple fingers as a bridesmaid when we got out of the Hummer Limo to take pictures at Wrigley Field?  Or what about the time one of my uncles offered to walk the bride (my cousin) out the church door instead up the aisle since he wasn't a fan of the guy she married?

While I, like Katherine Heigl's character in the movie 27 Dresses, have often evaluated my "always-a-bridesmaid" lifestyle, a part of me wonders if the whole big wedding craziness is worth it?  After-all, it's the end result (i.e. the marriage) that's really what's most important, right?

I've always said that, should I (hopefully) ever get married I'd want to elope or go to the court-house and do something (very) small.  It would save everyone a lot of money and craziness but on the flip side I know that my friends and family would expect a larger wedding with all the trimmings.

That makes me wonder...why do we go to all of the lengths that we go to for the bigger weddings?  Who are we doing these for and why?

Tender, tragical, hidden romances

Don't laugh at the spinster, dear girls, for often

very tender, tragical romances are hidden

away in the hearts that beat so quietly

under their sober gowns.

~~ Little Women ~~

~~ By Louisa May Alcott ~~

Best Friend Defined

After having a glass (or two) of wine the other evening with a late dinner I must admit that I was feeling a bit contemplative.  My thoughts veered towards those amazing people I call my friends and it got me wondering.

What makes for a friend versus an acquaintance?  In particular what makes for a best friend?  The woman I call my best friend is an amazing woman I’ve known since kindergarten.  That our friendship has lasted twenty-nine years and is still going strong is impressive in and of itself.  She’s the one I call to share those important (and not so important) moments in my life.  But I wonder…do I fill that same role for her?

I know I am an important person in her life.  Her children refer to me as Aunt despite there being no blood relation between us.  But what is it that makes two people best friends?  And can that be a one sided street where Person X considers Person Y their best friend but where Person Y doesn’t consider Person X their best friend?

Maybe it was just the wine talking or maybe I was just feeling a bit down on myself but it does make me wonder…how do we define our friendships with each other and in comparison to those friendships that our friends have with others?